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Chapter XI: Contains All Manner of Matters of Little Import and Great Imagination

On this expedition nothing more of note happened to me: but when I came again to Soest I found the Hessians from Lippstadt had captured my servant that I had left to guard my baggage, together with one horse that was at pasture. From my servant the enemy learned of my ways and works, and therefore held me higher than before, as having been persuaded by common report I was but a sorcerer. He told them, moreover, he had been one of the devils that had so dismayed the Huntsman of Wesel in the sheep-fold: which when the said huntsman heard of, he was so shamed that he took to his heels again and fled from Lippstadt to the Hollanders. But it was my greatest good fortune that this servant of mine was taken, as will be seen in the sequel.
Now I began to behave myself somewhat more reputably than before, as having such fine hopes of presently being made ensign: so be degrees I joined company with officers and young noblemen that were eager for that office which I imagined I should soon get: for this reason they were my worst enemies, and yet gave themselves out to be my best friends: even the lieutenant-colonel was no longer good to me; for he had orders to promote me before his own kindred. My captain was my enemy because I had made a better show in horses, clothing, and arms than he, and no longer spent so much on the old miser as before. He had rather have seen my head hewn off than an ensigncy promised me: for he had thought to inherit my fine horses. In like manner my lieutenant hated me for a single word that I had lately without thought let slip: which came about thus: we two were on the last expedition ordered to a lonely post as vendettas: and as the turn to watch fell to me (which must be done lying down, besides that it was a pitch-dark night), the lieutenant comes to me creeping on his belly like a snake, and says he, “Sentry, dost thou mark aught?” So I answered, “Yea, Herr Lieutenant.” And “What? what?” says he. I answered, “I mark that your honor is afeared.” And from thenceforward I had no more favour with him. Wherever the danger was greatest thither was I sent first of all: yea, he sought in all places and at all time to dust my jacket before I became ensign, and so could not defend myself. Nor were the sergeants less my enemies, because I preferred them to all. And as to the privates, they too began to fail in their love and friendship to me, because it seemed I despised them, inasmuch as I no longer consorted specially with them but, as foresaid, with greater Jacks, which loved me none the more.
But the worst was that no man told me how each was minded towards me, and so I could not perceive it, for many a one talked to me in friendliest wise that had sooner seen me dead. So I lived like a blind man in all security and even haughtier: and though I knew that it vexed this one and made a greater show than nobleman and officers of rank, yet I held not back. I feared not to wear a collar of sixty-rix dollars, red-scarlet hose, and white satin sleeves, trimmed all over with gold, which was at that time the dress of the highest officers: and therefore an eyesore to all. Yet was I a terribly young fool so to play the lord: for I had dealt otherwise and bestowed the money I so uselessly did hang upon my body in proper ways, I should have soon gained my ensigncy and also not have made so many enemies. Yet I stopped not here, but decked out my best horse, which Jump-i’th’-field had gotten from the Hessian captain, with saddle, bridle, and arms in such fashion that when I was mounted one might well have taken me for another St. George.1 And nothing grieved me more than to know I was no nobleman, and so could not clothe my servant and horse-boys in livery. Yet, I thought, all things have their beginning; if thou hast a coat-of-arms than canst thou have thine own livery; and when thou art an ensign, thou must have a signet-ring, thou art no nobleman. I was not long pregnant with thee thoughts, but had a coat-of-arms devised for me by a herald, which was three red masks in a white field, and for a crest, the bust of a young jester in a calfskin with a pair of hare’s ears, adorned with little balls in front: for I thought this suited best with my name, being called Simplicissimus. And so would I have the fool to remind me in the future high estate what manner of fellow I had been in Hanau, lest I should become too proud, for already I thought no small things of myself. And so was I properly the first of my name and race and escutcheon, and if any had jeered at me thereupon, I had presented him a sword or a pair of pistols. And though I had yet no thoughts of womankind, yet all the same I went with the young nobles when they visited young ladies, of whom there were many in the town, to let myself be seen and to make a show with my fine hair, clothes, and plumes. I must confess that for the sake of my figure I was preferred before all, yet must I all the same hear how the spoilt baggages compared me with a fair and well-cut statue in which, besides its beauty, was neither strength nor sap; for that was all they desired in me: and except the lute-playing there was nothing I could do or perform to please them: for of love as yet I knew nothing. But when they that knew how to pay their court would gibe at me for my wooden behaviour and awkwardness, to make themselves more beloved and to show off their ready speech, then would I answer, ‘twas enough for me if I could still find my pleasure in a bright sword or a good musquet, and the ladies held me right: and this angered the gentlemen so that they secretly swore to have my life, though there was none that had heart enough to challenge me or give me cause enough to challenge one of them, for which a couple of buffets or insults would have been sufficient; and I gave every chance for this by my loose talk, from which the ladies argued I must be a man of mettle, and said openly my figure and my noble heart could plead better with any lady than all the compliments that Cupid2ever devised: and that made the rest angrier than ever.

Chapter: XII: How Fortune Unexpectedly Bestowed on the Huntsman a Noble Present

I had two fine horses that were at that time all the joy I had in the world. Every day I rode them in the riding-school or else for amusement, if I had naught else to do; not indeed that the horses had anything to do, but I did it that people might see that the fine creature belonged to me. And when I went pranking down a street, or rather the horse prancing under me, and the stupid multitude looking on and saying, “Look, ‘tis the huntsman! See what a fine horse! Ah, what a handsome plume!” I pricked up mine ears and was as pleased as if the Queen of Sheba had likened me to Solomon3 in all his glory. Yet, fool that I was, I heard not what perhaps at that time wise folk thought of me or mine enviers said of me: these last doubtless wished I might break my neck, since they could not do it for me: and others assuredly thought that if all men had their own I could not practice such foolish swaggering. In a word, the wisest must have held me without a doubt for a young Colin Clout4, whose pride would certainly not last long, because it stood upon a bad foundation and must be supported only be uncertain plunder. And if I must confess the truth, I must grant that these judged not amiss, though then I understood it not. For ‘twas this and only this with me: that I would have made his shirt warm for any man or adversary that had to deal with me, so that I might well have passed for a simple, good soldier though I was but a child. But, ‘twas this cause made me so great a man, that nowadays the veriest horse-boy can shoot the greatest hero in the world; and had not gunpowder been invented I must have put my pride in my pocket.
Now ‘twas my custom in these rides to examine all ways and paths, all ditches, marshes, thickets, hills and streams, make myself acquainted with them and fix them in my memory, so that if one ever had occasion to skirmish with the enemy I might employ the advantage of the place both for offense and defense. To this end I rode once not far from the town by an old ruin where formerly a house had stood. At the first sight I thought this were a fit place to lay an ambush or to retreat to, specially for us dragoons if we should be outnumbered and chased by calvalry. So I rode into the courtyard, whose walls were pretty well ruined, to see if at a pinch one could take refuge there on horseback and how one could defend it on foot. But when to this end I would view all exactly and sought to ride to the cellar, the walls of which were still standing, I could neither with kindness nor force bring my horse, which commonly feared nought, to go where I would. I spurred him till I was vexed, but it availed not: so I dismounted and led him by the bridle down the ruined steps which he had shied at, so that I should know how to act another time: but he backed as much as he could; yet at length with gentle words and strokings I had him down, and while I patted and caressed him I found that he was sweating with fear, and ever staring into one corner of the cellar, into which he would be no means go, and in which I could see naught at which the most skittish beast could shy. But as I stood there full of wonder and looked upon my horse all a-tremble with fear, there came on me also such a terror that ‘twas even as if I was dragged upwards by the hair and a bucket of cold water poured down my back; yet I could see nothing; but the horse acted more and more strangely, till I could fancy nothing else but I was perhaps bewitched, horse and all, and should come by my end in that same cellar. So I would fain go back, but the horse would not follow, and thereat I grew more dismayed and so confused that in truth I knew not what I did. At last I took a pistol in my hand, and tied the horse to a strong elder-tree that grew in the cellar, intending to go forth and find people near by that could help to fetch the horse out; but as I was about this it came into my head that perchance some treasure lay hid in this old ruin, which was therefore haunted. To this conceit I gave heed, and looked round more exactly. And just in this place to which my horse refused to go I was aware of a part of the wall, unlike the rest both in colour and masonry, and about the bigness of a common chamber-shutter. But when I would approach ‘twas with me as before, namely, that my hair stood on end; and this strengthened my belief that a treasure must there be hid.
Ten times, nay a hundred times, sooner would I have exchanged shots with an enemy that have found myself in such a terror. I was plagued and knew not by what: for I heard and saw naught. So I took the other pistol from the holster as meaning with it to go off and leave that horse, yet could I not again mount the steps, for as it seemed to me a strong draught of wind kept me back; and now I felt my flesh creep indeed. At last it came into my mind to fire the pistols that the peasants that worked in the fields close by might run to the spot and help me with word and deed. And this I did because I neither knew nor could think of any other means to escape from this evil place of wonders: and I was so enraged, or rather so deperate (for I knew not myself how ‘twas with me), that as I fired I aimed my pistols at the very place wherein I believed the cause of my plight lay, and with both balls I hit the before-mentioned piece of wall so hard that they made a hole wherein a man could set both his fists. Now no sooner had I fired than my horse neighed and pricked up his ears, which heartily rejoiced me: I knew not whether ‘twas because the goblin or spectre had vanished or because the poor beast was roused by the noise of fire-arms, but ‘tis certain I plucked up heart again and went without hindrance of fear to the hole, which I had just opened by the shot; and there I began to break down the wall completely, and found silver, gold, and jewels so rich a treasure as would have kept me in comfort to this day, if I had but known how to keep it and dispose of it well. There were six dozen old French silver-tankards, a great gold cup, some double tankards, four silver and one golden salt-cellar, one old French golden chain, and divers diamonds, rubies, emeralds, and sapphires set in rings and in other jewelry; also a whole casquet full of pearls, but all spoiled or discoloured, and then in a mouldy leather bag eighty of the oldest Joachim dollars of fine silver, likewise 893 gold pieces with the French arms and an eagle, a coin which none could recognise, because, as folks said, no one could read, the inscription. This money, with the rings and jewels, I strapped into my breeches-pockets, my boots and my holsters, and because I had no bag with me, since I had ridden forth for pleasure, I cut the housing from my saddle, and into it I packed the silver vessels (for ‘twas lined, and would serve me well as a sack), hung the golden chain around my neck, mounted my horse joyfully, and rode towards my quarters. But as I came out of the courtyard I was aware of two peasants, that would have run as soon as they saw me: yet having six feet and level country I easily overtook them, and asked why they would have fled and were so terribly afeared. So they said they had thought I was the ghost that dwelt in that deserted court, and if any came too near to him was wont to mishandle them miserably. Then as I asked further of his ways, they told me that for fear of this monster ‘twas often many years that no one came near that place, save some stranger who had lost his way and come thither by chance. The story went, they said, that an iron trough full of money lay within guarded by a black dog, and also a maiden that had a curse upon her; and to follow the old story they had themselves heard from their grandsires, there should come into land a strange nobleman that knew neither his father nor mother, and should rescue the maiden, and open the trough with a key of fire, and carry off the hidden gold. And of such foolish fables they told me many more; but because they are but ill to hear, I here cut them short for briefness. Thereafter I did ask them what they had been about, since at other times they dared not go into the ruin. They answered they had heard a shot and a loud cry; and had run up to see what was to do. But when I told them ‘twas I that shot in the hope that people would come into the ruin, because I too was pretty much afeared, but knew nought of any cry, they answered, “There might be shots enough heard in that castle before any of our neighbourhood would come thither; for in truth ‘tis so ghostly beset that was have not believed my lord if he said he had been therein, an we had not ourselves seen him ride out thence.”
So then they would know many things of me, especially what manner of place it was within and whether I had not seen the damsel and the black dog sitting on the iron trough, so that if I desired to brag I could have put strange fancies in their heads: but I said not the least word, not even that I had gotten the costly treasure, but rode away to my quarters and looked upon my find, which mightily delighted me.

Chapter XIII: Of Simplicissimus’ Strange and Fancies and How He Guarded His
Treasure

Now they that know the worth of money, and therefore take it for their god, have no little reason on their side; for if there be a man in the world that hath experienced its powers and wellnigh divine virtues, that man am I. For I know a man fares that hath a fair provision thereof; yet have I never yet known how he should feel that had never a farthing in his pouch. Yea, I could even take upon me to prove that this same money possessed all virtues and powers more than any precious stones; for it can drive away all melancholia like the diamond: it causeth love and inclination to study, like the emerald (for so comes it that commonly students have more money than poor folk’s children): it taketh away fear and maketh man joyful and happy like unto the ruby: ‘tis often an hindrance to sleep, like the garnet: on the other hand, it hath great power to produce repose of mind and so sleep, like the jacinth: it strengheneth lively and kind, like the sapphire and amethyst: it driveth away bad dreams, giveth joy, sharpeneth the understanding, and if one have a plaint against another gaineth him the victory, like the sardius (and in especial if the judge’s palm be first well oiled therewith): it quencheth unchaste desire, for by means of gold one can possess fair women: and in a word, ‘tis not to be exprest what gold can do, as I have before set forth in my book intituled “Black and White,” if any man know how rightly to use and employ this information. As to mine own money that I had then brought together, both with robbery and the finding of this treasure, it had a special power of its own: for first of all it made me prouder than I was before, so much so that it vexed me to the heart that I must still be called “Simplicissimus” only. It spoiled my sleep like the amethyst: for many a night I lay awake and did speculate how I could put it out to advantage and get more to put to it. Yea, and it made me a most perfect reckoner, for I must calculate what mine uncoined silver and gold might be worth, and adding this to that which I had borrowed here and there, and which was yet in my purse, I found without the precious stones a fine overplus. Yet did my money prove to me its unborn roguery and evil inclination to temptation, inasmuch as it did fully expound to me the proverb “He that hath much will ever have more,” and me so miserly that any man might well have hated me. From my money I got many foolish plans and strange fancies in my brain, and yet could follow out no conceit of all that I devised. At one time I thought I would leave the wars and betake myself somewither and spend my days in fatness a-looking out the window; but quickly I repent me of that, and in especial because I considered what a free life I now led and what hopes I had to become a great Jack. And then my thought was this, “Up and away, Simplicissimus, and get thyself made a nobleman and raise thine own company of dragoons for the emperor at thine own cost: and presently thou art a perfected young lord that with the times can rise yet higher.” Yet as soon as I reflected that this my greatness could be made small by any unlucky engagement, or be ended by a peace that should bring the war soon to a finish, I could not find this plan to my taste. So then I began to wish I had my full age as a man: for hadst thou that, which I to myself, thou couldst take a rich young wife, and so buy thee a nobleman’s estate somewhere and lead a peaceful life. There would I betake myself to the rearing of cattle and enjoy my sufficiency to the full: yet as I knew I was too young for this, I must let that plan go by the board also.
Such and the like conceits had I many, till at last I resolved to give over my best effects to some man of substance in some safe town to keep, and to wait how fortune would further deal with me. Now at that time I had my Jupiter still with me: for indeed I could not be rid of him; and seeing my in deep thought he says to me, “Dear son, give away your blood money; gold, silver and all.” “And why?” said I, “dear Jupiter?” “Oh,” says he, “to get you friends and be rid of your useless cares.” To which I answered, “I would fain have more of such.” Then says he, “Get more: but in such a fashion will ye never in your life have more friends nor more peace: leave it to old misers to be greedy, but do ye behave as becomes a fine young lad: for ye shall sooner lack good friends than good money.”
So I pondered on the matter, and found that Jupiter reasoned well of the case: yet greed hath such a hold on me that I could not resolve to give away aught. Yet I did at last present to the commandant a pair of silver-gilt double tankards and to my captain a couple of silver salt-cellars, by which I achieved nothing more than to make their mouths water for the rest: for these were rare pieces of antiquity. My true comrade Jump-i’th’-field I rewarded with twelve-six dollars; who in return advised me I should either make away with my riches or else expect to fall into misfortune by their means: for, said he, it liked the officers not that a common soldier should have more money than they: and he himself had known this: that one comrade should secretly, murder another for the sake of money: till, now, said he, I had been able to keep secret what I had gotten in booty, for all believed I had spent it on clothes, horses, and arms: but now I could conceal nought nor make folks believe I had no secret store of money: for each one made out the treasure I had found to be greater than it was: and yet I spent not so much as before. Not could he help but hear what rumours went about among the men: and were he in my place he would let wars be wars: would settle himself in safety somewhere, and let the Lord God rule the world as he will. But I answered, “Harkye, brother, how can I throw to the winds my hope of an ensigncy?” “Yea, yea,” says Jump-i’th’-field, “but devil take me if thou ever get thine ensigncy. The others that wait for it would help to break thy neck a thousand times over if they saw that such a post was vacant and thou to have it. Teach me not to know salmon from trout, for my father was a fisherman! And be not angry with me, brother for I have seen how it fares in war longer than thou. Seest thou not how many a sergeant grows grey with his spontoon that deserved to have a company before many others. Thinkest thou they are not fellows who have some right to hope? And indeed they have more right to such promotion than thou, as thou thyself must confess.” Nor could I answer aught, for Jump-i’th’-field did but speak the truth from an honest German heart, and flattered me not: yet must I bite my lip in secret: for I thought at that time mighty well of myself. Yet I weighed this speech and that of my Jupiter full carefully, and considered that I had no natural-born friend that would help me in straits or revenge my death open or secret. And I myself could see plain enough how it stood with me: yet neither my desire of honour nor love of money would leave me: and still less my hope to become great, to leave the wars, and to be in peace; nay, rather I held to my first plan; and when a chance offered for Cologne5, whither I, with some hundred dragoons, was ordered to convoy certain carriers and wagons of merchandise from Munster, I packed up my treasure, took it with me, and gave it in charge to one of the first merchants in the city to be drawn out on production of an exact list of the things. Now it was seventy-four marks of uncoined silver, fifteen marks of gold, eighty Joachim dollars, and in a sealed casquet divers rings and jewels, which, with gold and precious stones, weighed eight and a half pounds in all, together with 893 ancient golden coins that were worth each a gold gulden and a half. With me I took my Jupiter, as he desired, and had kinsfolk of repute Cologne: to whom he boasted of the good turns I had done him and caused me to be received of them with great honour. Yet did he never cease to council me that I should bestow my money better and buy myself friends that would be more service to me than money in my purse.

1 St. George, or George of Cappadocia, was the most famous dragon-slaying saint during the Middle Ages. His story revolves around the rescue of a damsel who is held captive by a dragon in Libya. The story was enormously popular in the thirteenth century when it was written as the "Legenda Aurea" (The Golden Legend) by Jacobus de Voragine. "St. George," Medieval Folklore (Santa Barbara: ABC-CLIO, 2000), vol.1, p.235.

2 Cupid was the Roman god of love, borrowed from Greek mythology where he was known as Eros. In the Roman tradition he is depicted as a mischevious infant with wings and a bow and arrow, while in the Greek literature he is portrayed as a handsome young man. "Cupid," Collier's Encyclopedia (New York: Collier's, 1996), vol.7, p.569.

3 According to the Bible, the Queen of Sheba, a country in what is now Saudi Arabia, traveled to Jerusalem to test the wisdom of Solomon. He proved himself to her and she bestowed on him many lavish gifts while he gave her "every desire that she expressed." "Sheba, Queen of," Berdman's Dictionary of the Bible (Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdman's Publishing Company, 2000), p.1199.

4The English poet and humanist John Skelton wrote Colin Clout in 1522. Skelton, who was Henry VIII's tutor, was best known for his satirical (and often obscene) books aimed at the courts and clergy (especially Cardinal Wolsey) of England. "John Skelton," Columbia Encyclopedia Online, (Columbia: Columbia University, 2000) http://www.bartleby.com/65/sk/Skelton.html

5 A city in what is now Germany (located in the North Rhine-Westphalia), Cologne houses one of the largest cathedrals in Europe built in 1248. The city was orginially an Ubii settlement, but was a Roman colony in 50 AD before being passed to the control of the Frankish kings in later centuries. "Cologne," Collier's Encyclopedia (New York: Collier's, 1996) vol. 6, p.729-730.

Margaret Riley