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Chap. xxx. : HOW THE HUNTSMAN CARRIED HIMSELF WHEN HE BEGAN TO LEARN THE TRADE OF WAR: WHEREFROM A YOUNG SOLDIER MAY LEARN SOMEWHAT

Now the commandant in Soest 1needed a lad in his stables, of the kind that I seemed to him to be, and for that reason he was not well pleased that I had turned soldier, but would try to have me yet: to that end he made a pretence of my youth and that I could not yet pass for a man: and having set this forth to my master, he sends to me and says he, “Harkye, little huntsman, thou shalt be my servant.” So I asked what would my duties be: to which he answered I should help to tend his horses. “No, sir,” quoth I, “we are not for one another: I would rather have a master in whose service the horses should tend me: but seeing that I can find none such, I will sooner remain a soldier.” “Thy beard,” says he, “is yet too small.” “No, no,” said I, “I will wager I can encounter any man of eighty years: a beard never yet killed a man, or goats would be in high esteem.” “Oho!” says he, “if thy courage be as high as thy wit, I will let thee pass for a soldier.” I answered, “That can be tried upon the next occasion,” and therewithal gave him to understand I would not be used as a groom. So he left me as I was, and said the proof of the pudding was in the eating.

So now I betook myself to my old dragoon’s old breeches, and having dissected them, I recovered out of their entrails a good soldier’s horse and the best musquet I could find: and all must for me be as bright as looking glass. Then I bought a new suit of green clothes: for the name of the “huntsman” suited well with my fancy: and my old suit I gave to my lad; for ‘twas too small for me. And so I could ride on mine own account like a young nobleman, and thought no small beer of myself. Yea, I made so bold as to deck my hat with a great plume like an officer: and with that I raised up for myself enviers and mislikers: and betwixt them and me were presently hot words and at last even buffets. Yet hardly had I proved to one or two that same science which I had learned in Paradise of the good furrier, when behold, not only would all leave me in peace but would have my friendship moreover. Besides all this, I was ever ready to give my service for all expeditions on foot or on horseback: for I was a good rider and quicker on foot than most, and when it came to dealing with the enemy I must charge forward as for mere pleasure and ever be in the front rank. So was I in brief time known both among friend and foes, and so famous that both parties thought much of me, seeing that the most dangerous attacks were entrusted to me to carry out, and to that end whole detachments put under my command. And now I began to steal like any Bohemian, and if I made any capture of value, I would give my officers so rich a share thereof that ‘twas allowed me to play my tricks on forbidden ground, for whatever I did was supported. General Count Götz 2 had left remaining in Westphalia three enemy’s garrisons– to wit, in Dorsten, in Lippstadt, and in Coesfield: and all these three I mightily plagued! For I was before their gates, now here, now there, one day here and one day there, no less, and snapped up many a good prize, and because I ever escaped the folk came to believe of me I could make myself invisible and was as proof as iron or steel. So now was I feared like the plague itself, so that thirty men of the enemy would not be shamed to flee before me if they did but know I was in their neighborhood with fifteen. And at last it came to this: that when a contribution must be levied from a place, I was the man for that: and my plunder from that became as great as my fame. Mine officers and comrades loved their little huntsman: the chief partisans of the opposite side were terrified, and by fear and love I kept the countrymen on my side: for I knew how to punish my opposers, and them that did me the smallest service richly to repay: insomuch that I spent wellnigh the half of my booty in paying of my spies. And for that reason there went no reconnaissance, no convoy, no expedition out from the adversary whose departure was not made known to me: whereupon I laid my plans and founded my projects, and because I commonly brought the same to good effect by the help of good luck, all were astonished: and that chiefly at my youthful age: so that even many officers and good soldiers of the other party much desired to see me. To this must be added that I ever shewed myself courteous to my prisoners, so that they often cost me more than my booty was worth, and whensoever I could shew a courtesy to any of the adversary, and specially to any officer, without injury to my duty and my allegiance to my master, I neglected it not. And by such behaviour I had surely been presently forwarded to the rank of officer, had not my youth hindered that: for whosoever, at the age wherein I was then, would be an ensign, must be of noble birth: besides, my captain could not promote me; for there were no vacancies in his own company and he would not let me go to another: for so he would have lost in me a milch-cow and more too. So must I be and remain a corporal. Yet this honour, which I had gained over the heads of old soldiers, though ‘twas but a small thing, yet this and the praise which daily I received were to me as spurs to urge me on to better things. And day and night I dreamed only of fresh plans to make myself greater: nay, I could not sleep by reason of such foolish phantasies. And because I saw that I wanted an opportunity to shew the courage which I felt in me, it vexed me that I could not every day have the chance to meet the adversary in arms and try the result. So then I wished the Trojan war back again, or such a siege as was at Ostende,* and fool as I was, I never thought that a pitcher goes to the well until it breaks: and that also is true of a young soldier and a foolish, when he hath but money and luck and courage: thereupon follow haughtiness and pride: and by reason of that pride I hired, in place of one footboy, two serving-men, whom I equipped well and horsed them well, and so gained the envy of all the officers.

Chap. xxxi. : HOW THE DEVIL STOLE THE PARSON’S BACON AND HOW THE HUNTSMAN CAUGHT HIMSELF

Now must I tell you a story or two of things that happened to me before I left the dragoons 3 : and though they are trifling, yet are they amusing to be heard: for I undertook not only great things, but despised not also small affairs, if only I could be assured that thereby I should get reputation among the people.

Now my captain was ordered, with fifty odd men on foot, to Schloss Recklinghausen, and there to carry out a certain design: and as we thought that before the plan could be carried out we had best hide ourselves a day or two in the woods, each took with him provision for a week. But inasmuch as the rich convoy we waited for came not at the appointed time, our food gave out: and we dared not to steal, for so had we betrayed ourselves and caused our plan to come to nothing: and so hunger pressed us sore: moreover, I had in that quarter no good friends (as elsewhere) to bring me and my men food in secret. And therefore must we devise other means to line our bellies if we would not go home empty. My comrade, a journeyman Latinist 4 who had but lately run from school and enlisted, sighed in vain for the barley soup which beforetime his parents had served up for his delight, and which he had despised and left untasted: and as he thought on those meals of old, so he remembered his school satchel, beside which he had eaten them.
“Ah, brother;” says he to me, “is’t not a shame that I have not learned arts enough to fill my belly now. Brother, I know, re vera, if I could but get to the parson in that village, ‘twould provide me with an excellent convivium.” So I pondered on that word awhile and considered our condition, and because they that knew the country might not leave the ambush (for they had surely been recognised) while those that were unknown to the people knew of no chance to steal or buy in secret, I founded my plan on our student and laid the thing before our captain. And though ‘twas dangerous for him also, yet was his trust in me so great, and our plight so evil, that he consented. So I changed clothes with another man, and with my student I shogged off to the said village and that by a wide circuit, though it lay but half an hour from us: and coming thither we forthwith knew the house next to the church to be the priest’s abode; for ‘twas built town- fashion and abutted on the wall that surrounded the whole glebe. Now I had already taught my comrade what he should say: for he had yet his worn-out old student’s cloak on him: but I gave myself out for a journeyman painter, as thinking I could not well be called upon to exercise that art in the village; for farmers do not often have their houses decorated.

The good divine was civil, and when my comrade had made him a deep Latin reverence and told lies in great abundance to him, as how soldiers had plundered him on his road and robbed him of all his journey-money, he offered him a piece of bread and butter and a draught of beer. But I made as though I belonged not to him, and said I would eat a snack in the inn and then call for him, that we might ere the day was spent come somewhat further on our way together. And to the inn I went, yet more to espy what I could fetch away that night than to appease mine hunger, and had also the luck on the way to find a peasant plastering up of his oven, in which he had great loaves of rye bread, that should sit there and bake for four-and-twenty hours. With the innkeeper I did little business: for now I knew where bread was to be had: yet bought a few loaves of white bread for our captain, and when I came to the parsonage to warn my comrade to go, he had already had his fill, and had told the priest I was a painter and was minded to journey to Holland, there to perfect my art. So the good man bade me welcome and begged me to go into the church with him, for he would shew me some pieces there that needed repair. And not to spoil the play, I must follow. So he took me through the kitchen, and as he opened the lock in the strong oaken door that led to the churchyard, O mirum! There I saw that the black heaven above was dark with lutes, flutes, and fiddles, meaning the hams, smoked sausages, and sides of bacon that hung in the chimney; at which I looked with content, for it seemed as if they smiled at me, and I wished, but in vain, to have them for my comrades in the wood: yet they were so obstinate as to hang where they were. Then pondered I upon the means how I could couple them with the said oven full of bread, yet could not easily devise such, for, as aforesaid, the parson’s yard was walled round and all windows sufficiently guarded with iron bars. Furthermore there lay two monstrous great dogs in the courtyard which, as I feared, would of a surety not sleep by night if any would steal that whereon ‘twas the reward of their faithful guardianship to feed by day. So now when we came into the church and talked of the pictures, and the priest would hire me to mend this and that, and I sought for excuses and pleaded my journey, says the sacristan or bellringer, “Fellow,” says he, “I take thee rather for a runaway soldier than a painter.” To such rough talk I was no longer used, yet must put up with it: still I shook my head a little and answered him, “Fellow, give me but a brush and colours, and in a wink I will have thee painted for the fool thou art.” Whereat the priest laughed, yet said to us both, ‘twas not fitting to wrangle in so holy a place: with that I perceived he believed us both, both me and my student; so he gave us yet another draught and let us go. But my heart I left behind among the smoked sausages.

Before nightfall we came to our companions, where I took my clothes and arms again, told the captain my story, and chose out six stout fellows to bring the bread home. At midnight we came to the village and took the bread out of the oven: for we had a man among us that could charm dogs; and when we were to pass by the parsonage, I found it not in my heart to go further without bacon. In a word, I stood still and considered deeply whether ‘twere not possible to come into the priest’s kitchen, yet could find no other way but the chimney, which for this turn must be my door. The bread and our arms we took into the churchyard and into the bone-house, and fetched a ladder and rope from a shed close by. Now I could go up and down chimneys as well as any chimney-sweep (for that I had learned in my youth in the hollow trees), so onto the roof I climbed with one other, which roof was covered with a double ceiling and a hollow between, and therefore convenient for my purpose. So I twisted my long hair into a bunch on my head, and lowered myself down with an end of the rope to my beloved bacon, and fastened one ham after another and one flitch after another to the rope which my comrade on the roof most regularly hauled up and gave to the others to carry to the bone-house. But alack and well-a-day! Even as I shut my shop and would out again a rafter broke under me, and poor Simplicissimus tumbled down and the miserable huntsman found himself caught as in a mouse-trap: ‘tis true, my comrades on the roof let down the rope to draw me up: but it broke before they could lift me from the ground. And, “Now huntsman,” thought I, “thou must abide a hunt in which thy hide will be as torn as Actaeon’s,”5 for the priest was awakened by my fall and bade his cook forthwith to kindle a light: who came in her nightdress into the kitchen with her gown hanging on her shoulders and stood so near me that she almost touched me: then she took up an ember, held the light to it, and began to blow: yet I blew harder, which so affrighted the good creature that she let both fire and candle fall and ran to her master. So I gained time to consider by what means I could help myself out: yet found I none.

Now my comrades gave me to understand through the chimney they would break the house open and have me forth: that would I not have, but bade them to look to their arms and leave only my especial comrade on the roof, and wait to see if I could not get away without noise and disturbance, lest our ambush should be frustrated: but if it could not be so, then might they do their best. Meanwhile the good priest himself struck a light; while his cook told him a fearful spectre was in the kitchen who had two heads (for she had seen my hair in a bunch on my head and had mistook it for a second head). All this I heard, and accordingly smeared my face and arms with my hands, which were full of ashes, soot, and cinders, so vilely that without question I no longer could be likened to an angel, as those holy maidens in Paradise had likened me: and that same sacristan, had he but seen me, would have granted me this, that I was a quick painter. And now I began to rattle round in the kitchen in fearful wise, and to throw the pots and pans about: and the kettle-ring coming to my hand, I hung it round my neck, and the fire-hook I kept in my hand to defend myself in case of need.

All which dismayed not that good priest: for he came in procession with his cook, who bore two wax-lights in her hands and a holy-water stoup on her arm, he himself being vested in his surplice and stole, with the sprinkler in one hand and a book in the other, out of which he began to exorcise me and to ask who I was and what I did there. So as he took me to be the devil, I thought ‘twas but fair I should play the devil’s part as the Father of Lies, and so answered, “I am the Devil, and will wring thy neck and thy cook’s too.” Yet he went on with his conjuring and bade me take note I had no concern with him nor his cook; yea, and commanded me under the most solemn adjuration that I should depart to the place whence I had come. To which I answered with a horrible voice, that ‘twas impossible even if I would. Meanwhile my comrade on the roof, which was an arch-rogue and knew his Latin well, had his part to play: for when he heard what time of day ‘twas in the kitchen, he hooted like an owl, he barked like a dog, he neighed like a horse, he bleated like a goat, he brayed like an ass, and made himself heard down the chimney like a whole crew of cats bucking in February, and then again like a clucking hen: for the fellow could imitate any beasts’ cry and, when he would, could howl as naturally as if a whole pack of wolves were there. And this terrified the priest and his cook more than anything: yet was my conscience sore to suffer myself to be abjured as the devil; for he truly took me for such as having read or heard that the devil loved to appear clad in green.

Now in the midst of these doubts, which troubled both parties alike, I was aware by good luck that the key in the lock of the door that led to the churchyard was not turned, but only the bolt shot: so I speedily drew it back and whipped out of the door into the churchyard, where I found my comrades standing with their musquets cocked, and left the parson to conjure devils as long as he would. So when my comrade had brought my hat down from the roof, and we had packed up our provands, we went off to our fellows, having no further business in the village save that we should have returned the borrowed ladder and rope to their owners.

With our stolen food the whole party refreshed themselves, and all had cause enough to laugh over my adventure: only the student could not stomach it that I should rob the priest that had so nobly filled his belly, yea, he swore loud and long he would fain pay him for his bacon, had he but the means at hand; and yet ate of it as heartily as if he were hired for the business. So we lay in our ambush two days longer and waited for the convoy we had so long looked for; where we lost no single man in the attack, yet captured over thirty prisoners and as splendid booty as ever I did help to divide: and I had a double share because I had done best: and that was three Friesland stallions laden with as much merchandise as we could carry off in our haste; and had we had time to examine the booty and to bring it to a place of safety, each for his own part would have been rich enough: but we had to leave more on the spot than we bore off, for we must hurry away with all speed, taking what we could carry: and for greater safety we betook ourselves to Rehnen, and there we baited and shared the booty : for there lay our main body.

And there I thought again on the priest, whose bacon I had stolen: and now may the reader think what a misguided, wanton, and overweening spirit was mine, when it was not enough for me to have robbed and terrified that pious man, but I must claim honour for it. To that end I took a sapphire set in a gold ring, which I had picked up on that same plundering expedition, and sent it from Rehnen to my priest by a sure hand with this letter: “Reverend Sir, – Had I but in these last days had aught in the wood to eat and so to live, I had had no cause to steal your reverence’s bacon, in which matter ‘tis likely you were terrified. I swear by all that is holy that such affright was against my will, and so the more do I hope for forgiveness. As concerning the bacon itself, ‘tis but just it should be paid for, and therefore in the place of money I send this present ring, given by those for whose behoof your goods must needs be taken, and beg your reverence will be pleased to accept the same: and add thereto that he will always find on all occasions an obedient and faithful servant in him whom his sacristan took to be no painter and who is otherwise known as ‘The Huntsman.’”

But to the peasant whose oven they had emptied, the party sent out of the general booty sixteen rix-dollars 6: for I had taught them that in such wise they must bring the country-folk on their side, seeing that such could often help a party out of great difficulties or betray such another party and bring all to the gallows. From Rehnen we marched to Münster and thence to Ham, and so home to Soest to our headquarters, where I after some days received an answer from his reverence, as follows: “Noble Huntsman, – If he from whom you stole the bacon had known that you would appear to him in devilish guise, he had not so often wished to behold the notorious huntsman. But even as the borrowed meat and bread have been far too dearly paid for, so also is the fright inflicted the easier to forgive, especially because ‘twas caused (against his will) by so famous a person, who is hereby forgiven, with the request that he will once more visit without fear him who fears not to conjure the devil. – Vale.”

And so did I everywhere, and gained much fame: yea, and the more I gave away and spent, the more the booty flowed in, and I conceived that I had laid out that ring well, though ‘twas worth some hundred rix-dollars. And so ends this second book.

Edited by Allison Fraser

* Besieged by the Spaniards from 1601 to 1604. (Goodrick’s note)

1 Soest: The imperial army had a garrison at Soest in Westphalia. The regiment with which Grimmelshausen fought arrived at Soest in December 1636. While in this area, Grimmelshausen served as a soldier part of the time, but also performed more menial tasks, most likely as a stableboy. The area around Soest was laid waste during the war and as a result there was not enough food or fuel to support the army. Negus, Kenneth. Grimmelshausen. (New York: Twayne Publishers, 1974), p. 22-23.

2 General Count Götz: Grimmelshausen joined a light cavalry regiment commanded by the Bavarian Field Marshall, Baron Johann von Götz either early 1636 or early 1637. This regiment was one of the “Leibregimenter”, which were under Götz’s personal command. Götz commanded first in Westphalia and later in the Upper Rhine, where he was defeated while attempting to defend the fortress of Breisach. Negus, Kenneth. Grimmelshausen (New York: Twayne Publishers, 1974), p. 22. and Menhennet, Alan. Grimmelshausen the Storyteller (Columbia, SC: Camden House, 1997), p. 4.

3 Dragoon: Dragoons were mounted infantry who first appeared in Europe in the sixteenth century. They fought as light cavalry on attack and dismounted to fight as infantry on defense. They were organized into companies, not squadrons, and their officers had infantry titles. The name “dragoon” came from the type of carabine, or short musket, that they used, also called a dragoon. “Dragoon,” Encyclopedia Britannica (Chicago: Encyclopedia Britannica Inc, 1997), vol. 4, p. 210.

4 Latinist: A Latinist was a Latin Scholar or writer in Latin. “Latinist.” Oxford English Dictionary (Oxford English Dictionary, 2nd ed. (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1989), vol. 8, p. 689.

5 Actaeon: Actaeon was a skilled hunter who was trained by the centaur Chiron. While hunting he happened upon Artemis, the goddess of the hunt, bathing. Artemis was enraged and splashed water on Actaeon, turning him into a stag. He was attacked by his own dogs, who tore him to pieces. As part of his punishment, Actaeon retained his own mind and was aware of his fate. March, Jennifer. Dictionary of Classical Mythology (London: Wellington House, 1998), p. 17.

6 Rix-dollar: The rix-dollar was a heavy silver coin used from the late sixteenth to mid nineteenth centuries in various European countries including Holland, Germany, Austria, Denmark, and Sweden. “Rix-dollar” is a corruption of rigsdaler or riksdaler, and is also called a thaler. The thaler was first struck in Germany around 1500 and was adopted by the Holy Roman Empire in 1566. It weighed between 24.6 and 32 grams. Junge, Ewald. World Coin Encyclopedia (New York: William Morrow, 1984), pp. 215 and 249. and “Rix-dollar.” Oxford English Dictionary, 2nd ed. (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1989), vol. 13, p. 1003.

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