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Chap.xx.: IN WHAT WISE HE WAS SAVED FROM PRISON AND TORTURE
Now when I was brought before the Governor he asked me whence I came. I said I knew not. Then said he again “Whither wilt thou?” and again I answered, “I know not.” “What the devil dost thou know, then?” says he, “What is thy business?” I answered as before, I knew not. He asked, “Where dost thou dwell?” and as I again answered I knew not, his countenance was changed, I know not whether from anger or astonishment. But inasmuch as every man is wont to suspect evil, and specially the enemy being in the neighbourhood, having just, as above narrated, captured Gelnhausen and therein put to shame a whole regiment of dragoons, he agreed with them that held me for a traitor or a spy and ordered that I should be searched. But when he learned from the soldiers of the watch that this was already done, and nothing more found on me than the book there present which they delivered to him, he read a line or two therein and asked who had given me the book. I answered it was mine from the beginning: for I had made it and written it. Then he asked, “Why upon birch-bark?” I answered, because the bark of other trees was not fitted therefore. “Thou rascal,” says he, “I ask why thou didst not write on paper.” “Oh!” I answered him, “we had none in the wood.” The governor asked, “Where in what wood?” And again I paid him in my old coin and said I did not know. Then the governor turned to some of his officers that waited on him and said, “Either this is an archrogue, or else a fool: and a fool he cannot be, that can write so well.” And as he spake, he turned over the leaves to shew them my fine handwriting, and that so sharply the hermit’s letter fell out: and this he had picked up, while I turned pale, for that I held for my chiefest treasure and holy relic. That the Governor noted and conceived yet greater suspicion of treason, specially when he has opened and read the letter, “for,” says he, “I surely know this hand and know that it is written by an officer well known to me: yet can I not remember by whom.” Also the contents seemed to him strange and not to be understood: for he said, “this is without a doubt a concerted language, which none other can understand save him to whom it is imparted.” Then asking me my name, when I said Simplicissimus, “Yes, yes,” says he, “thou art one of the right kidney.1 Away, away: put him at once in irons, hand and foot.”

So the two before-mentioned soldiers marched off with me to my bespoken lodging, namely, the lock-up, and handed me over to the gaoler, which, in accordance with his orders, adorned me with iron bands and chains on hands and feet, as if I had not had enough to carry with those that I had already bound round my body. Nor was this way of welcoming me enough for the world, but there must come hangmen and their satellites, with horrible instruments or torture, which made my wretched plight truly grievous, though I could comfort myself with my innocence. “O! God!” says I to myself, “how am I rightly served! To this end did Simplicissimus run from the service of God into the world, that such a misbirth of Christianity should receive the just reward which he hath deserved for his wantonness! O, thou unhappy Simplicissimus, whither hath thine ingratitude led thee! Lo, God hath hardly brought thee to the knowledge of Him and into His service when thou, counterwise, must run off from his employ and turn thy back on Him. Couldest thou not go on eating of acorns and beans as before, and so serving thy Creator? Didst thou not know that thy faithful hermit and teacher had fled from the world and chosen the wilderness? O stupid stock, thou didst leave it in the hope to satisfy thy loose desire to see the world. And behold, while thou thinkest to feed thine eyes, thou must in this maze of dangers perish and be destroyed, Couldest thou not, unwise creature, understand before this, that thy ever-blessed teacher would have never left the world for that hard life which he led in the desert, if he hoped to find in the world true peace, and real rest, and eternal salvation? O poor Simplicissimus, go thy way and receive the reward of the idle thoughts thou hast cherished and thy presumptuous folly. Thou hast no wrong to complain of, neither any innocence to comfort thee with, for thou hast hastened to meet thine own torment and the death to follow thereafter.” So I bewailed myself, and besought God for forgiveness and commended my soul to Him. In the meanwhile we drew near to the prison, and when my need was the greatest then was God’s help nearest: for as I was surrounded with a great multitude of folk to wait till it was opened and I could be thrust in lo, my good pastor, whose village had so lately been plundered and burned, must also see what was toward (himself being also under arrest). So as he looked out of window and saw me, he cried loudly, “O Simplicissimus, is it thou?”

When this I heard and saw, I could not help myself, but must lift up both hands to him and cry, “O father, father, father.” So he asked what had I done. I answered, I knew not: they had brought me there of a certainty because I had deserted from the forest. But when he learned from the bystanders that they took me for a spy, he begged they would make a stay with me till he had explained my case to the Lord Governor, for that would be of use for my deliverance and for his, and so would hinder the Governor from dealing wrongfully with both of us, since he knew me better than could any man.

Chap. xxi.: HOW TREACHEROUS DAME FORTUNE CAST ON SIMPLICISSIMUS A FRIENDLY GLANCE
So ‘twas allowed him to go to the Governor, and a half-hour thereafter I was fetched out likewise and put in the servitor’s room, where were already two tailors, a shoemaker with shoes, a haberdasher2 with stockings and hats, and another with all manner of apparel, so that I might forthwith be clothed. Then took they off my coat, chains and all, and the hair-shirt, by which the tailors could take their measure aright: next appeared a barber with his lather and his sweet-smelling soaps, but even as he would exercise his art upon me came another order which did grievously terrify me: for it ran, I should put on my old clothes again. Yet ‘twas not so ill meant as I feared: for there came presently a painter with all his colours, namely vermilion and cinnabar for my eyelids, indigo and ultramarine for my coral lips, gamboge and ochre and yellow lead for my white teeth, which I was licking for sheer hunger, and lamp-black and burnt unber for my golden hair, white lead for my terrible eyes and every kind of paint for my weather-coloured coat: also had he a whole handful of brushes. This fellow began to gaze upon me, to take a sketch, to lay in a background and to hang his head on one side, the better to compare his work exactly with my figure: now he changed the eyes, now the hair, presently the nostrils; and, in a word, all he had not at first done aright, till at length he had executed a model true to nature; for a model Simplicissimus was. And not till then might the barber whisk his razor over me: who twitched my head this way and that and spent full an hour and a half over my hair: and thereafter trimmed it in the fashion of that day: for I had hair enough and to spare. After that he brought me to a bathroom and cleansed my thin, starved body from more than three or four years’ dirt. And scarce was he ended when they brought me a white shirt, shoes and stockings, together with a ruff or collar, and hat and feather. Like wise the breeches were finely made and trimmed with gold lace; so all that was wanted was the cloak, and upon that the tailors were at work with all haste. Then came the cook with a strong broth and the maid with a cup of drink: and there sat my lord Simplicissimus like a young count, in the best of tempers. And I ate heartily though I knew not what they would do with me; for as yet I had never heard of the “condemned man’s supper,” and therefore the partaking of this glorious first meal was to me so pleasant and sweet that I cannot sufficiently express, declare, and boast of it to mankind; yea, hardly do I believe I ever tasted greater pleasure in my life than then. So when the cloak was ready I put it on, and in this new apparel shewed such an awkward figure that it might seem one had dressed up a hedge-stake: for the tailors had been ordered of intent to make the clothes too big for me, in the hope I should presently put more flesh on, which, considering the excellence of my feeding, seemed like to happen, But my forest dress, together with the chains and all appurtenances, were conveyed away to the museum, there to be added to other rare objects and antiquities, and my portrait, of life size, was set hard by.

So after his supper, his lordship myself was put to bed in such a bed as I had never seen or heard of in my dad’s house or while I dwelt with my hermit: yet did my belly so growl and grumble the whole night through that I could not sleep, perchance for no other reason than that it knew not yet what was good or because it wondered at the delightful new foods which had been given to it: but for me, I lay there quiet until the sweet sun shone bright again (for ‘twas cold) and reflected what strange adventures I has passed through in a few days, and how God my Father had so truly helped me and brought me into so goodly an heritage.

Chap. xxii.: WHO THE HERMIT WAS BY WHOM SIMPLICISSIMUS WAS CHERISHED
The same morning the Governor’s chamberlain commanded me, I should go to the before-mentioned pastor, and there learn what his lordship had said to him in my affair. Likewise he sent an orderly to bring me to him. Then the pastor took me into his library, and there he sat down and bade me also sit down, and says he, “My good Simplicissimus, that same hermit with whom thou didst dwell in the wood was not only the Lord Governor’s brother-in-law, but also his staunch supporter in war and his chiefest friend. As it pleased the Governor to tell me, the same from his youth up had never failed either in the bravery of an heroical soldier nor in that godliness and piety which became the holiest of me: which two virtues it is not usual to find united. Yet his spiritual mind, coupled with adverse circumstances, so checked the course of his earthly happiness that he rejected his nobility and resigned certain fine estates in Scotland where he was born, and despised such because all worldly affairs now seemed to him vain, foolish, and contemptible. In a word, he hoped to exchange his earthly eminence for a better glory to come, for his noble spirit had a disgust at all temporal display, and all his thoughts and desires were set on that poor miserable life wherein thou didst find him in the forest and wherein thou didst bear him company till his death. “And in my opinion,” said the pastor, “he had been seduced thereto by his reading of many popish books concerning the lives of the ancient eremites.3 Yet will I not conceal from thee how he came into the Spessart,4 and, in accord with his wish, into such a miserable hermit’s life, that thou mayest hereafter be able to tell others thereof: for the second night after that bloody battle of Hochst5 was lost, he came alone and unattended to my parsonage-house, even as I, my wife, and children were fallen asleep, and that towards morning, for because of the noise all over the country which both pursuers and pursued are wont to make in such cases, we had been awake all the night before and half of this present one. At first he knocked gently, and then sharply enough, till he wakened me and my sleep-drunken folk: and when I at his request, and after short exchange of words, which was on both sides full cautious, had opened the door, I saw the cavalier dismount from his mettlesome seed. His costly clothing was as thickly sprinkled with the blood of his enemies as it was decked with gold and silver; and inasmuch as he still held his drawn sword in his hand, fear and terror came upon me. Yet when he sheathed his sword and shewed nothing but courtesy I must wonder that so noble a gentleman should so humbly beg a poor village pastor for shelter. And by reason of his handsome person and his noble carriage I addressed myself to him as to the Count of Mansfield himself; but said he, he could for this once be not only compared to the Count of Mansfield in respect of ill fortune but even preferred before him. Three things did he lament: first, the loss of his lady, and her near her delivery, and then the loss of his battle; and last of all, that he had not had the luck to die therein, as did other honest soldiers, for the Evangelical cause. Then would I comfort him, but saw that his noble heart needed no comfort: so I set before him what the house afforded and bade them make for him a soldier’s bed of clean straw, for in no other would he lie though much he needed rest. The next morning, the first thing he did was to give me his horse and his money (of which he had with him no mean sum in gold), and did share divers costly rings among my wife, children, and servants. This could I not understand in him, seeing that soldiers be wont far rather to take than to give: and therefore I had doubts whether to receive so great presents, and gave as a pretext that I had not deserved do much from him nor could again repay him: besides, said I, if folk saw such riches, and specially the splendid horse, which could not be hid, in my possession, many would conclude I had robbed or murdered him. But he said I should live without care on that score, for he would protect me from such danger with his own handwriting, yea, and he would desire to carry away out of my parsonage not even his shirt, let alone his clothes: and therewith he opened his design to become a hermit. I fought against that with might and main, for methought such a plan smacked of Popery, reminding him that he could serve the Gospel more with his sword, but in vain: for he argued so long and stoutly with me that as last I gave in and provided him with those books, pictures, and furniture which thou didst find in his hut. Yet would he take nothing in return for all that he had presented to me save only the coverlet of wool, under which he had slept on the straw that night: and out of that he has a coat made. And my wagon chains (those which he always wore) must I exchange with him for a golden one whereon he wore his lady’s portrait, so that he kept for himself neither money nor money’s worth. Then my servant led him to the wildest part of the wood, and there helped him to build his hut. And in what manner he there spent his life, and with what help at times I did assist him, thou knowest as well as I, yea, in part better.

“Now when lately the Battle of Nordlingen6 was lost and I, as thou knowest, was clean stripped of all and also evilly handled, I fled hither for safety; besides, I had here my chief possessions. And when my ready money was about to fail me, I took three rings and the before-mentioned chain, together with the portrait that I had from the hermit, among which was his signet-ring, and took them to a Jew, to turn them into money. But he, on account of their value and fine workmanship, took them to the Governor to sell, who forthwith knew the arms and portrait, and sent for me and asked where I had gotten such treasures. So I told him the truth and shewed him the hermit’s handwriting or the deed of gift, and narrated to him all his story; also how he had lived and died in the wood. Such a tale he could not believe, but put me under arrest, till he could better learn the truth; and while he was at work sending out a party to take a survey of the dwelling and to fetch thee hither, here I beheld thee brought to the tower. Now seeing that the Governor hath no longer cause to doubt of my story, and seeing that I can call witness the place where the hermit dwelt, and likewise thee and other living deponents, and most of all my sexton, which so often admitted thee and him to the church before day, and specially since the letter which he found in thy book of prayer doth afford an excellent testimony not only of the truth, but of the late hermit’s holiness: therefore he will shew favour to me and thee for the sake of his dear departed brother-in-law. And now hast thou only to decide what thou wouldest he should do for thee. An thou wilt study, he pays the cost: desirest thou to learn a trade, he will have thee taught one: but if thou wilt stay with him he will hold thee as his own child: for he said if even a dog came to him from his departed brother-in-law he would cherish it.” So I answered, ‘twas all one to me what the Lord Governor would do with me.

Chap. xxiii.: HOW SIMPLICISSIMUS BECAME A PAGE: AND LIKEWISE, HOW THE HERMIT’S WIFE WAS LOST
Now did the pastor keep me at his lodging till ten of the clock before he would go with me to the Governor, to tell him of my resolve; for so could he be his guest at dinner: for the Governor kept open house: ‘tis true Hanau7 was then blockaded, and with the common folk times were so hard (especially with them that had fled for refuge to the fortress) that some who seemed to themselves to be somewhat, were not ashamed to pick up the frozen turnip-peelings in the streets, which the rich had cast way. And my pastor was so lucky that he got to sit by the Governor at the head of the table, while I waited on them with a plate in my hand as the chamberlain taught me, to which business I was as well fitted as an ass to play chess. Yet my pastor made good with his tongue what the awkwardness of my person failed in. For he said I had been reared in the wilderness, and had never dwelt among men, and therefore must be excused, because I could not yet know how to carry myself: yet the faithfulness I had shewn to the hermit and the hard life I had endured with him were wonderful, and that alone deserved that folk should not only have patience with my awkwardness but should even put me before the finest young nobleman. Furthermore, he related how the hermit had found all his joy in me because, as he often said, I was so like in face to his dear lady, and that he had often marveled at my steadfastness and unchangeable will to remain with him, as also at many other virtues which he praised in me. Lastly, he could not enough declare with what earnest fervency the hermit had, just before his death, commended me to him (the pastor) and had confessed he loved me as his own child. This tickled my ears so much that methought I had already received satisfaction enough for all I had endured with the hermit.

Then the Governor asked, did not his late brother-in-law know he was commandant of Hanau. “Yea, truly,” answered as coldly (yet with a joyful face and a gentle smile) as he had never known any Ramsay, so that even now when I think thereupon, I must wonder at this man’s resolution and firm purpose, that he could bring his heart to this: not only to renounce the world but even to put out of his mind his best friend, when he had him close at hand.”

Then were the Governor’s eyes full of tears, who yet had no soft woman’s heart but was a brave and heroical soldier; and says he, “Had I known he was yet alive and where he was to be found, I would have had him fetched even against his will, that I might repay his kindnesses: but since Fortune hath denied me that, I will in his place cherish his Simplicissimus.” And “Ah!” says he again, “the good cavalier had cause enough to lament his wife, great with child as she was; for in the pursuit she was captured by a party of Imperialist troopers, and that too in the Spessart. Which when I heard, and knew not but that my brother-in-law was slain at Hochst, at once I sent a trumpeter to the enemy to ask for my sister and ransom her: yet got no more thereby than to learn the said party of troopers had been scattered in the Spessart by a few peasants, and that in that fight my sister had again been lost to them, so that to this hour I know not what became of her.” This and the like made up the table-talk of the Governor and the pastor regarding my hermit and his lady-wife: which pair were the more pitied because they had enjoyed each other’s love but a year. But as to me, I became the Governor’s page, and so fine a fellow that the people, specially the peasants when I must announce them to my master, called me the young lord already: though indeed one seldom sees a youngster that hath been a lord, but oftentimes lords that have been youngsters.

Edited by Riley Haggin

1 Kidney, in addition to referring to the organ, was also used to refer to the temperament, nature, kind, class and sort of a person. "Kidney," The Oxford English Dictionary (Oxford: Claredon Press, 1989), vol. 8, p. 424.
2 A haberdasher sold a wide varitey of goods, which are now sold through separate trades. In the sixteenth century haberdasher usually referred to a dealer or maker of caps and hats. "Haberdasher," The Oxford English Dictionary (Oxford: Claredon Press, 1989), vol. 6, p. 991.
3 Eremitism is a type of religious life characterized by solitariness. It usually refers to monastic life, but can also be used to describe the life of a religious hermit. This lifestyle originated in India, but was later embraced by some early Christians. Christians who followed this lifestyle took Jesus's advice to abandon all worldly things literally, but they usually evoked the name of John the Baptist or Elijah since Jesus did not advocate this solitary lifestyle. The first influential Christian eremitic was Anthony, who was born around 250 AD. After Anthony's death, his life inspired a new religious genre. "Eremitism," The Encyclopedia of Religion (New York: MacMillian Publishing Company, 1987), vol. 5, p.137-141.
4 The Spessart is a German mountain range located slightly southeast of modern day Frankfurt and Hanau. "Spessart," The World Book Atlas (Chicago: World Book, Inc., 1986), p. 120.
5 On June 22, 1622 a decisive battle of the Thirty Years' War took place at Hochst. The Catholic Imperialist troops defeated the Protestant Palatinate troops with minimal losses. The Palatinates, on the other hand, lost 12,000 men, who were either killed, wounded or taken prisoner. "Hochst, Thirty Years' War," Dictionary of Battles (New York: Stein and Day, 1971), p. 130.
6 At Nordlingen, a city in southern Germany, another decisive battle of the Thirty Years' War occurred on September 5-6, 1634. The coalition of the Holy Roman Empire and the Spanish beat the Swedes, ending Swedish domination of southern Germany. The outcome of this battle of forced Cardinal Richelieu to actively bring France into the war. "Nordlingen, Battle of," Encyclopedia Britannica (Chicago: Encyclopedia Britannica, Inc., 1997), vol. 8, p. 761.
7 Hanau is a port in central Germany, east of Frankfurt. It is on the right bank of the Main Canal and is at the mouth of the Kinzing. The town was chartered in 1303. "Hanau," Encyclopedia Britannica (Chicago: Encyclopedia Britannica, Inc., 1997), vol. 5, p. 676.