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Chap.viii. :  HOW HE FOUND THE DEVIL IN THE TROUGH, AND HOW
JUMP-I’-TH’-FIELD GOT FINE HORSES

    Now I could by no means be rid of my Jupiter: for the commandant
would have none of him, as a pigeon not worth the plucking, but said he
made me a free gift of him.  So now I had a fool of mine own and needed
to buy none, though a year before I must needs allow others to treat me
as such.  So wondrous is fortune and so changeable the times!  Even now
had the lice troubled me, and now had I the very god of fleas in my
power; half a year before was I serving a miserable dragoon as page, and
now I had command of two servants that called me master; and so I
reflected at times that noting is so certain in this world as its
uncertainty.  And so must I fear if ever Fortune should let loose her
hornets upon me it would altogether overwhelm my present happiness.

    Now just then Count von der Wahl, as colonel in command of the
Westphalian circle, was collecting troops from all the garrisons to make
a cavalry expedition through the bishopric of Munster towards the Vecht1,
Meppen, Lingen and such places, but specially to drive off two companies
of Hessian troopers in the bishopric of Paderborn2  that lay two miles
from the city and had out with our dragoons, and when a few troops had
been collected at Ham we beat up the quarters of the said troopers, which
were but an ill-protected village, till the rest of our people came. 
They tried to escape, but we let them go without horse or weapons but
with the clothes on their backs; to this they would not agree, but would
defend themselves with their carbines like musqueteers.  So it came to
that, that in the same night I must try what luck I had in storming, for
the dragoons led the way; and my luck was so good that I, together with
Jump-i’-th’-field, was among the first to come into the town, and that
without hurt, and we soon cleared the streets; for all that bore arms
were cut down, and the citizens had no stomach for fighting; so we
entered the houses.  Then said Jump-i’-th’-field, we should choose a
house before which a big heap of dung stood, for in such the rich
curmudgeons were wont to dwell, with whom commonly officers were
billeted: on such a one we seized, and there Jump-i’-th’-field would
first visit the stable and I the house, on the condition each should
share with the other whatever he could lay hands on.  So then each lit
his torch, and I called to the master of the house but had no answer, for
all had hid themselves, but came upon a room wherein was nought but an
empty bed and a covered kneading-trough.  This I knocked open in hopes to
find somewhat valuable, but as I raised the cover a coal-black thing rose
up against me which I took for Lucifer himself.  Nay, I can swear I was
never in my life so terrified as I was then, when I so unawares beheld
this black devil.  “My all the powers of hell take thee,” I cried in my
fear, and raised my hatchet wherewith I had broke open the trough, yet
had not the heart to split the creature’s skull: so down he knelt, raised
his hands to me, and says he, “O massa, I beg by de good God, gib me my
life.”  With that I first knew ‘twas no devil, for he spake of God and
begged for his life; so I bade him get out of his trough: and that he did
as naked as God made him.  Then I cut a piece of my torch off for him to
light me, the which he did obediently, and brought me to a little room
wherein I found the master of the house, who, together with his people,
was looking on as this merry sight, and begged with trembling for mercy. 
And that he easily came by, for in any case we might not harm the
burghers, and besides he handed me over the baggage of the Hessian
captain, among which was a fairly well-furnished, locked portmanteau,
telling me the said captain and all his people, save one servant and the
negro now present, were gone to their posts to defend themselves. 
Meanwhile Jump-i’-th’-field had made prize of the said servant and six
fine saddle-horses in the stable:  these we brought into the house,
barred the doors, and bade the negro to put on his clothes; and told the
burgher what story he should tell to his captain.  But when the gate was
opened and the posts occupied, and our general of ordnance, Count von der
Wahl, was admitted, he lodged his staff in the very house where we were. 
So in dark night we must needs seek other quarters; and these we found
with our comrades who had come in with the storming-parties: with them we
made merry and spent the rest of the night in eating and drinking, when
Jump-i’-th’-field and I had divided our booty.  For my share I received
the negro and the two best horses, of which one was a Spanish one, on
which any soldier might meet his enemy, and with this thereafter I made
no small show; but out of the portmanteau I got divers costly rings, and
in a golden case set with rubies the Prince of Orange’s3  portrait (for
all the rest I left to Jump-i’-th’-field), so that the whole, if I had
desired to give it away, would with the horses have stood me in 200
ducats: since for the negro, that was the poorest part of my booty, the
Master-General of Ordnance to whom I presented him gave me two dozen
thalers.

    Thence we marched quickly to the Ems4 , yet accomplished but little:
and as it happened that we came near Recklinghausen, I took leave,
together with Jump-i’-th’-field, to speak with my pastor from whom I had
stolen the bacon.  With him I made merry and told him the negro had made
me feel the same terror which he and his cook had felt, and presented
him, moreover, with a fine striking watch for a friendly remembrance,
which I had had out of the captain’s portmanteau: and so did I take care
to make friends in all places of them that would otherwise have had cause
to hate me.

Chap. ix.:  OF AN UNEQUAL COMBAT IN WHICH THE WEAKEST WINS THE DAY AND
THE CONQUEROR IS CAPTURED

    But with my good fortune my pride so increased that in the end it
could bring me nothing but a fall.  For as we were encamped some
half-hour from Rehnen, I had leave to go into the town with my dear
comrade, there to have those arms furbished up which we had just
received.  And as it was our intent to be right merry with each other, we
turned in to the best inn, and had minstrels sent for, to play our wine
and beer down our throat.  So we fell to drinking and roaring; and no
sport was wanting, which could make the money fly:  nay, I invited also
lads from other regiments to be my guests, and so carried myself as a
young prince who has command of land and folk and great sums to spend by
the year.  And thus we fared better than was pleasing to a company of
troopers who sat there also at table, but with no such mad tricks as we. 
So, being angry, they began to jest upon us, “How comes it,” said they to
one another, “that these prop-hoppers&sect;” (for they took us for
musqueteers, seeing that no animal in the world is more like a musqueteer
than is a dragoon, and if a dragoon fall from his horse he rises up a
musqueteer) “can make such a show with their halfpence?” “Yonder lad,”
answered another, “is surely some straw-squire whose mother hath sent him
the milk-pence, and those he now spends upon his comrades, that some time
they may pull him out of the mud or through a ditch.”  With which words
they aimed at me, for they took me for a young nobleman.  Of such talk
the maid that waited brought me private news: yet since I heard it not
myself, I could do no more than fill a great beer-glass with wine and let
it go round to the health of all good musqueteers, and at every round
made such a hubbub that none could hear himself speak.  And this vexed
them yet more, so that they said aloud, “What in the devil’s name have
these prop-hoppers for an easy life of it!”  Whereupon Jump-i-‘th’-field
answered, “And what matters that to the bootblacks?”  This passed well
enough; for he looked so big and held so fierce and threatening a
carriage that no one cared to give him the rub.  Yet he must again fall
foul of them and this time of a fellow of some consideration, who
answered, “Ay, and if these loiterers could not so swagger here on their
own dung-hill (for he thought we lay there in garrison, because our
clothes seemed not so weather-beaten as those of the poor musqueteers who
must lie day and night in open field), where could they show themselves? 
Who knows not that any of them in the battlefield is as surely the booty
of the troopers as is the pigeon of the hawk?”  But I answered him, “It
is our business to take cities and fortresses, whereas ye troopers, if ye
come but to the poorest rat’s-nest of a town, can there drive no dog out
of his den.  Why may we not then have your good leave to make merry in
that which is more ours than yours?”

    The trooper answered, “Him who is master in the field the fortresses
must follow after: and that we troopers are masters in the field is
proved by this: that I for myself not only fear not three such babes as
thee, musquet and all, but could stick a couple such in my hat-band, and
then ask the third where there were more to be found.  And if I now sat
by thee,” said he with scorn, “I would bestow on my young squire a couple
of buffets to prove the truth of this.”

    “Yea,” said I, “and though I have as good a pair of pistols as thou,
notwithstanding I am no trooper, but only a bastard between such and the
musqueteers, yet, look you, even a child hath heart enough to shew
himself alone in open field against such a bully on horseback as thou
art, and against all thine armoury.”

    “Aha; thou swaggerer,” said the fellow, “I hold thee for a rascal if
thou make not good thy words forthwith as becomes an honourable nobleman.”

    So I threw him my glove and, “See then,” said I, “if I get this not
from thee in fair field with my musquet only and on foot, so hast thou
right and good leave to hold and to reproach me for such a one as they
presumption has even now named me.”

    Then we paid the reckoning and the trooper made ready his carbine and
pistols, and I my musquet: and as he rod away with his comrades to the
place agreed upon he told my comrade Jump-i’-th’-field he might order my
grave.  So he answered him he had better give it in charge to one of his
own fellows that he might order such for him.  Yet thereafter he rebuked
me for my presumption, and said plainly he feared I should now play my
last tune.  But I did but laugh, for I had long since devised a plan how
to encounter the best mounted of troopers, if ever such an one should
attack me in the open field, though armed only with my musquet and on
foot.  So when we came to the place where this beggar’s dance should be,
I had my musquet already loaded with two balls, and put in fresh priming
and smeared the cover of the pan with tallow as careful musqueteers be
wont to do, to guard the touch-hole and powder in the pan from damp in
rainy weather.

    Before we engaged, our comrades on both sides agreed that we should
fight in open field, and to that end that we should start, one from the
East, the other from the West, in a fenced plot; and thereafter each
should do his best against the other as a soldier would do in face of the
enemy; and that no one should help either party before or during or after
the fight, either to succour his comrade, or to avenge his death or hurt.
 So when they had thus engaged themselves with word and hand, I and my
opposite gave each other our hand upon this, that each would forgive the
other his death.  In all which most unreasonable folly that ever a man of
sense could entertain, each hoped to gain for his arm of the service the
advantage, for all the world as if the entire honour and reputation of
one or the other, depended upon the outcome of our devilish undertaking.

    Now as I entered the stricken field at my appointed end with my match
alight at both ends, and saw my adversary before my eyes, I made as if I
shook out the old priming as I walked.  Yet I did not so, but spread
priming powder only on the cover of the pan, blew up my match, and passed
my two fingers over the pan, as is the custom, and before I could see the
white of the eyes of my opposite, who kept me well in sight, I took aim,
and set fire to the false priming powder on the cover of the pan.  Then
the enemy, believing that my musquet had missed fire and that the
touch-hole was stopped, rode straight down upon me pistol in hand, and
all too anxious to pay me there and then for my presumption, but before
he was aware I had the pan open and shut again, and gave him such a
welcome that ball and fall came together.

    Then I returned to my fellows, who received me with embraces; but his
comrades, freeing his foot from the stirrup, dealt with him and with us
as honest fellows, for they returned me my glove with all praise.  But
even when I deemed my reputation to be at its height, came
five-and-twenty musqueteers from Rehnen, who laid me and my comrades by
the heels.  Then presently I was clapped in chains and sent to
headquarters, for all duels were forbidden on pain of death.

Chap. x. :  HOW THE MASTER-GENERAL OF ORDNANCE GRANTED THE HUNTSMAN HIS
LIFE AND HELD OUT HOPES TO HIM OF GREAT THINGS

    Now as our General of Ordnance was wont to keep strict discipline, I
looked to lose my head: yet had I hopes to escape, because I had at so
early an age ever carried myself well against the enemy, and gained great
name and fame for courage.  Yet was this hope uncertain because, by
reason of such things happening daily, ‘twas necessary to make an
example.  Our men had but just beat up a dangerous nest of rats, and
demanded a surrender, yet had received a denial; for the enemy knew we
had no heavy artillery.  For that reason Count von der Wahl appeared with
all our force before the said place, demanded a surrender once more by a
trumpeter, and threatened to storm the town.  Yet all he got thereby was
the writing that here followeth:

    “High and well-born Count, &c.,--From your Excellency’s letter to me
I understand what you suggest to me in the name of his Imperial Roman
Majesty.  Now your Excellency, with his great understanding, must be well
aware how improper, nay unjustifiable, it were for a soldier to surrender
a place like this to the adversary without especial necessity.  For which
reason your Excellency will not, I hope, blame me if I wait till his
means of attack are sufficient.  But if your Excellency have occasion to
employ my small powers in any services but those touching my allegiance,
I shall ever be,
                                                                         
“Your Excellency’s most obedient servant,
                                                                         
                                                          “N. N.”

    Thereupon was much discussion in our camp about this place; for to
leave it alone was not to be thought on: to storm it without a breach
would have cost much blood, and ‘twould have been uncertain even then
whether we should succeed or not: and if we had to fetch our heavy pieces
and all their equipment from Munster5  and Ham, ‘twould cost much time,
trouble, and expense.  So while great and small were hard at work
a-reasoning, it came into my head that I should use this opportunity to
get free: so I set all my wits to work, and reflected how one might cheat
the enemy, seeing ‘twas only the cannon that were wanted.  And pretty
soon I had devised a trick and let my lieutenant-colonel know I had plans
by which the place could be secured without trouble and expense, if only
I could be pardoned and set free.  Yet some old and tried soldiers
laughed and said, “Drowning men catch at straws; and this good fellow
thinks to talk himself out of gaol.”

    But the lieutenant-colonel himself, with others that knew me,
listened to my words as to an article of belief; wherefore he went
himself to the Master-General of the Ordnance and laid before him my
plan, with the recital, moreover, of many things that he could tell of
me: and inasmuch as the Count had already heard of the Huntsman, he had
me brought before him and for so long loosed from my bonds.  He was set
at table when I came, and my lieutenant-colonel told him how the spring
before, having stood my first hour as sentry under St. James’s Gate at
Soest, a heavy rain with thunder and wind had suddenly come on, and when,
each running wind had suddenly come on, and when, each running from the
fields and the gardens into the town, there was great press of foot and
horse, I had had the wit to call out the guard, because in such a tumult
a town was easiest to take.  “At last,” said the lieutenant-colonel
further, “came an old woman dripping wet, and said even as she passed by
the huntsman, ‘Yea, I have felt this storm in my back for a fortnight.’ 
So the huntsman, hearing this and having a rod in his hand, smote her
with it over the shoulder, and says he, ‘Thou old witch, couldst thou not
let it loose before; must though wait till I stood sentry?’  And when his
officer rebuked him he answered, ‘She is rightly served:  the old carrion
crow had heard a month ago how all were crying out for rain:  why did she
not let honest folk have it before?  It had been better for the barley
and hops.’”

    At this the general, though he was in general a stern man, laughed
heartily; but I thought, “If the colonel tell him of such fools’ tricks,
surely he will not have failed to speak of my other devices.”  So I was
brought in, and when the general asked what was my plan I answered,
“Gracious sir, although my fault and your Excellency’s order and
prohibition do both deny me my life, yet my most humble loyalty, which is
due from me towards his Imperial Majesty, my most gracious Lord, even to
the death, bids me so far as lies in my weak power yet do the enemy a
damage, and further the interests and arms of his Majesty.”  So the
general cut me short, and says he, “Didst thou not lately give me the
negro?”  “Yea, gracious sir,” said I.  Then said he, “Well, thy zeal and
loyalty might perhaps serve to spare thy life: but what plan hast thou to
bring the enemy out of this place without great loss in time and men?” 
So I answered, “Since the town cannot resist heavy artillery, my humble
opinion is that the enemy would soon come to terms if he did but really
believe we had such pieces.”  “That,” said the general, “a fool could
have told me; but who will persuade them so to believe?”  Then I
answered, “Thine own eyes; I have examined their Mainguard with a
perspective glass, and it can be easily deceived; if we did but set a few
baulks of timber, shaped like water-pipes, on wagons, and haul them into
the field with many horses, they will certainly believe they are heavy
pieces, specially if your Excellency will order works to be thrown up
about the field as if to plant canon there.”  “My dear little friend,”
answered the Count, “they be not children in the town: they will not
believe this pantomime, but will require to hear thy guns; and if the
trick fail,” says he to the officers that stood around, “we shall be
mocked of all the world.”  But I answered, “Gracious sir, an I can but
have a pair of double musquets and a pretty large cask, I will make them
to hear great guns: only beyond the sound there can be no further effect:
 but if against all expectation naught but mockery ensure, then shall I,
the inventor, that must in any case die, take with me that mockery and
purge it away with my life.”

    Yet the general liked it not, but my colonel persuaded him to it; for
he said I was in such cases so lucky that he doubted not this trick would
succeed:  so the Count ordered him to settle the matter as he thought it
could best be done, and said to him in jest that the honour he should
gain thereby should be reckoned to him alone.

    So three such baulks were brought to hand, and before each were
harnessed four-and-twenty horses, though two had been sufficient: and
these towards evening we brought up in full sight of the foe:  and
meanwhile I had gotten me three double musquets and a great cask from a
mansion near at hand, and set all in order as I would have it:  and by
night this was added to our fool’s artillery.  The double musquets I
charged twice over and had them discharged through the said cask, of
which the bottom had been knocked out, as if it was three trial shots
being fired.  Which sounded so thunderously that any man had sworn they
were great serpents or demi-culverins.  Our general must needs laugh at
such trickery, and again offered the enemy terms, with the addition that
if they did not agree that same evening it would not go so easily with
them the next day.  Thereupon hostages were exchanged and terms arranged,
and the same night one gate of the town put into our hands, and this was
well indeed for me: for the Count not only granted me my life that by his
order I had forfeited, but set me free the same night and commanded the
lieutenant-colonel in my presence to appoint me to the first ensigncy
that should fall vacant: which was not to his taste (for he had cousins
and kinsmen many in waiting) that I should be promoted before them.

1The Vecht was a river starting at the Zuider Zee within the Lordship of
Overyssel in the Netherlands.  (Shepherd, William R.  Shepherd’s
Historical Atlas.  Totowa: Barnes and Noble Books, 1980. 117.)
2Paderborn, a city in northwest Germany, was occupied by William of
Hesse-Kassel’s army and a Swedish army under Duke George of
Brunswick-Luneburg in 1633.  (Parker, Geoffrey. The Thirty Years’ War.
London: Routledge & Kegan Paul, 1984. 133.)
3Frederick Henry, Prince of Orange, was the leader of the army as well as
in charge of all Dutch domestic and foreign policy at the pinnacle of his
power in 1640.  (Cooper, J.P., ed.  New Cambridge Modern History.  Volume
IV The Decline of Spain and the Thirty Years War 1609-48/59.  London:
Cambridge University Press. 1970. 375.)
4The Ems was a river starting at the North Sea running from the County of
East Friesland to the Bishopric of Munster which became an Ecclesiastical
state after 1648.  (Shepherd, William R.  Shepherd’s Historical Atlas. 
Totowa: Barnes and Noble Books, 1980. 122.)
&sect;The musqueteer supported his piece on a prop or stake. [Goodrich’s
note]
5Munster, a town located in the Bishopric of Munster, was one of two
places specified for negotiations in the Franco-Swedish treaty of 1641
(the other being Osnabruck).  Spain, France, and other Catholic states
established their base for negotiations here.  (Parker, Geoffrey.  The
Thirty Years’ War.  London: Routledge and Kegan Paul plc, 1984. 173.)


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Edited by Ben Miller
 
 
 
