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BOOK V
Chap. i.: HOW SIMPLICISSIMUS TURNED PALMER AND WENT ON A
PILGRIMAGE WITH HERZBRUDER
    Now Herzbruder being wholly restored and healed of his wounds, he
told me in secret he had in
his greatest need made a vow to go on a pilgrimage to Einsiedeln.  And
since in any case he was
now so near to Switzerland, he would perform the same though he must beg
his way thither.  This
was pleasant hearing for me: so I offered him my money and my company,
yea, and would buy a
couple of nags to do the journey upon, not indeed for the reason that
religion urged me thereto,
but rather to see the Confederates’ country as the one land wherein
sacred peace yet flourished.
So I rejoiced much to have the opportunity to serve Herzbruder on such a
journey, seeing that I
loved him almost more than myself.  Yet he refused both my help and my
company with the
excuse that his pilgrimage must be performed on foot and with peas in his
shoes: and should I be
in his company not only should I hinder him in his pious thoughts, but
should also bring on myself
great discomfort by reason of his slow going.  All which he said to be
rid of me, because he did
scruple on so holy a journey to spend money that had been gained by
robbery and murder:
besides, he would not put me to too great expense, and said openly that I
had already done more
for him than I owed him or he could hope to repay: upon which we fell
into a friendly dispute,
which same was so pleasant a quarrel that I have never hear the like, for
we talked of nothing but
this, that each one said he had not yet done for his fellow so much as
one friend should for
another, nay, was yet far from making up for the benefits he had
received.  Yet all this would not
move him to take me for a companion, till I perceived that he had a
disgust both at Oliver’s
money and mine own godless life: therefore I made shift with a lie and
persuaded him that my
intent to reform my life did move me to go to Einsiedeln: and should he
hinder me from so good a
work, and I thereupon should die, he should hardly answer for it: by
which I persuaded him to
suffer me to visit that holy place with him, especially since I (though
‘twas all lies) made an
appearance of great penitence for my wicked life, and moreover did
persuade him I had laid on
myself a penance to go to Einsiedeln on peas even as he.  But this
quarrel was scarce over ere we
fell into another, for Herzbruder was too full of scruples: and hardly
would he suffer me to use the
commandant’s pass, because ‘twas made out for me to go to my regiment.

    “How now!” said he, “is it not our intent to better our lives and to
go to Einsiedeln?  And
now see, in heaven’s name wilt thou make a beginning with deceit and
blind men’s eyes with
falsehood?  ‘He that denieth Me before the would him will I deny before
my heavenly Father,’
saith Christ.  What faint-hearted cowards we are!  If all Christ’s
martyrs and confessors had done
the same there would be few saints in heaven.  Let us go in God’s name
and under His protection
whither our holy intent and desires lead us, and let God contrive for us
the rest: for so will He
bring us in safety where our souls shall find peace.”  But when I set
before him how man should
not tempt God, but suit himself to the times, and use such means as could
not be done without,
and specially because to go on pilgrimage was an unwonted thing for the
Soldatesca, so that if we
revealed our purpose we should be accounted rather deserts than pilgrims,
which might bring us
to great trouble and danger: and chiefly how the holy apostle St. Paul,
to whom we could not
compare ourselves, had wonderfully suited himself to the times and needs
of this world, at the last
he consented that I should get a pass to go to my regiment.  With this we
passed out of the town
at the shutting of the gates, with a trusty guide, as we would go to
Rotweil: but turned off short
by a by-way and came the same night over the Switzers’ boundary and next
morning to a village,
where we equipped ourselves with long black cloaks, pilgrims’ staves, and
rosaries, and sent our
guide back home with a good wave.

    And here in comparison with other German lands the country seemed to
me as strange as
if I had been in Brazil of China.  I saw how the people did trade and
traffic in peace, how the stalls
were full of cattle and the farmyards crowded with fowls, geese, and
ducks, the roads were used
in safety by travelers, and the inns were full of people making merry. 
There was no fear of an
enemy, no dread of plundering, and no terror of losing goods and life and
limb; each man lived
under his own vine and fig-tree, and that moreover (in comparison with
other German lands) in
joy and delight, so that I held this land for an earthly Paradise, though
by nature it seemed as
rough as might be.  So it come about that all along the road I did by
gape at this and that, whereas
Herzbruder was praying on his rosary, for which I earned many a reproof
from him; for he would
have it I should pray without ceasing, to which I could not accustom
myself.

    But at Zurich he found me out and told me the truth as tartly as
might be.  For having
rested the night at Schaffhausen, where the peas did mightily gall my
feet, and I fearing to walk
upon them the next day, I had them boiled and put into my shoes again,
and so came happily to
Zurich, while he found himself in sorry plight, and said to me, “Brother,
thou hast great favour of
God, that notwithstanding the peas in thy shoes thou canst walk so well.”
 “Yea” said I, “dear
Herzbruder: but I did boil them, or I had not been able so far to walk
upon them.”

    “God-a-mercy!” said he, “what hast done?  Thou hadst better have them
out of thy shoes
if thou didst but act a mockery with them.  I fear me lest God punish
thee and me alike.  Take it
not evil of me, brother, if I of brotherly love do tell thee in plain
German what I have at heart,
namely this, that I fear, unless thou dealest otherwise with God, thine
eternal salvation standeth in
jeopardy: I do assure thee, I love no man more than thee, yet I deny not
that if thou betterest not
thyself I must scruple to bear such love to thee further.”  At which I
was struck so dumb with fear
that I could not at all recover myself, but freely confessed to him I had
put the peas in my shoes
not for piety but to please him, that he might take me with him on his
journey.  “Ah, brother,”
quoth he, “I see thou art far from the way of salvation, peas or no peas:
God give thee a better
mind; for without such cannot our friendship endure.”

    From that time forward I followed him sorrowfully as one going to the
gallows; for my
conscience began to smite me; and as I reflected on all manner of things,
all the tricks I had played
in my life did pass before mine eyes: and first I lamented that my lost
innocence, that I had
brought out from the forest and in the world had in so many ways
forfeited; and what increased
my trouble was this, that Herzbruder spake now but little with me, and
looked not upon me save
with sighs, so that it seemed to me as he were certain of my damnation
and lamented it.

Chap. ii.: HOW SIMPLICISSIMUS, BEING TERRIFIED OF THE DEVIL, WAS
CONVERTED
    In such fashion we came even to Einsiedeln, and so into the church
even as the priest was casting
out an evil spirit: which was to me a new and strange sight, wherefore I
left Herzbruder to kneel
and pray as much as he listed and went off from curiosity to see such a
spectacle.  But hardly had
I drawn nigh when the evil spirit cried out of the poor man, “Oho!
Rascal, doth ill-luck send thee
hither?  I did think to find thee with Oliver in our hellish abode when I
should return, and now I
see thou art to be found here.  Thou adulterous, murderous whoremonger,
canst thou think to
escape us?  O ye priests, have naught to do with him: he is a worse
hypocrite and liar than I: he
doth but mock and make a jest of God and religion.”  Thereupon the
exorcist commanded the
spirit to be silent, for none would believe him as being an arch-liar.

    “Yes, yes,” he answered, “ask this runagate monk’s companion and he
can well tell you
that this atheist is not afraid to boil the peas upon which he vowed to
travel hither.”  Upon which
I knew not whether I stood on my head or my heels, hearing all this and
all men staring upon me:
but the priest rebuked the spirit and bade him to be silent: yet would
not that day cast him out.  In
the meanwhile came Herzbruder, even as I looked for very terror more like
a dead than a live
man, and between hope and fear knew not what to be at.  So he comforted
me as best he could,
assuring the bystanders, and especially the good fathers, that in my life
I had never been a monk,
but certainly a soldier that might perhaps have done more evil than good:
and added, the devil was
a liar and had made the story of the peas much worse than it really was. 
Yet was I so confounded
in spirit that ’twas with me even as if I already felt the pains of hell,
so that the priest had much
ado to comfort me: yea, they bad em go to confession and communion, but
the spirit cried again
out of the man possessed, “Yes, yes: he will make a fine confession, that
knoweth not even what
confession is: and indeed what would ye have of him?  For he is or a
heretic mind and belongeth
to us: yea, his parents were more of Anabaptists than Calvinists...”  But
at that the exorcist again
commanded the spirit to hold his peace and said to him, “So will it
grieve thee the more if this
poor lost sheep be snatched out of thy jaws and gathered into the fold of
Christ” at which the
spirit began to roar so fearfully that ‘twas terrible to hear: yet in
that grisly song I found my
greatest comfort; for I thought if I could not again enjoy God’s favour
the devil would not take it
so ill.

    Now although I was then in no wise prepared for confession, and
though in my lifetime it
had never come into my thoughts, but I had always for mere shame feared
it as the devil fears holy
water, yet at that moment I felt in me such repentance for my sins and
such a desire to do penance
and to lead a better life that forthwith I asked for a confessor; at
which sudden conversion and
amendment of life Herzbruder rejoiced greatly; for he had perceived and
well knew that so far I
had belonged to no religion.  Thereafter I openly professed myself to the
Catholic Church, went
to confession and to mass after absolution received, with all which I
felt so light and easy at my
heart that ‘tis not to be expressed: and what is most marvellous is this,
that the devil in the
possessed man henceforward me in peace, whereas before my confession and
absolution he cast
up against me certain knaveries I had committed, with such
particularities as he had been ordained
for naught else but to point out my sins: yet the hears believed him not,
as being a liar, especially
since my honourable pilgrim’s dress shewed me in another light.

    In this gracious place we abode fourteen days, and there I thanked
God for my
conversion, and marked the miracles that were there done: all which did
incite me to some shew
of piety and godliness.  Yet did the same last but as long as it might:
for even as my conversion
took its beginning, not from love of God but from dread and fear of
damnation, so did I by
degrees become lukewarm and slothful, because I little by little forgot
the terror that the Evil One
had struck into me.  So when we had sufficiently viewed the relics of the
saints, the vestments,
and other remarkable things of the abbey, we betook ourselves to Baden,
there to spend the
winter.

Chap. iii.: HOW THE TWO FRIENDS SPENT THE WINTER
    There did I hire a cheerful parlour and a chamber for us, such as the
visitors to the baths do
commonly use to have, especially in summer: which be mostly rich Switzers
that do resort here
more to pass the time and make a show than to take baths for any disease.
 So also I bargained for
our food, and Herzbruder, seeing how princely I began, counselled me
frugality, and reminded me
of the long hard winter that we had yet to pass, for he dreamt not that
my money would hold out
so long; and I should need all I had, he said, for the spring when we
should depart: for much
money was soon spent if one ever took from it and never added to it:
‘twas blown away lie smoke
and was certain never to return, etc.  At such loyal counsel I could no
longer conceal from
Herzbruder how rich my treasury was, and how I was minded to spend it for
the good of both of
us, since its extraction and growth was so unholy that I could not think
to buy lands with it; and
even if I were not minded to spend it so as to maintain so my best friend
on earth, yet it were but
right that he, Herzbruder, should enjoy Oliver’s money in revenge for the
insult he had before
received from him before Mandeburg.  And when I knew myself to be in all
safety, I drew off my
two shoulder-bags, divided the ducats and pistoles, and said to
Herzbruder he might dispose of
this money at will, and spend and disburse it as he would, so that it
might best profit us both.

    When he saw, besides the greatness of my faint in him, how much the
money was, with
which I, without him, could have been a pretty rich man, “Brother” says
he, “since I have known
the thou hast done naught but shew thy constant love and truth to meward.
 But tell me, how
thinkest thou that I can ever repay thee?  I speak not of the money, for
this perchance might in
time be repaid, but of thy love and faith, and especially of the
exceeding trust thou hast in me,
which is not to be estimated.  In a word, brother, thy noble soul doth
make me thy slave, and they
favour thou shewest me is more easy to admire than to repay.  O honest
Simplicissimus, into
whose mind is never entereth (even in these godless days in which the
world is full of knavery) to
think how poor, needy Herzbruder might with this fair stock of money make
off and in his place
leave thee in want!  Of a surety, brother, this proof of true friendship
bindeth me more to thee
than if a rich lord should give me thousands.  Only I beg thee, my
brother, remain master guardian
and steward of thine own money.  For me ‘tis enough that thou art my
friend.

    To this I answered, “What strange discourses be these, my honoured
Herzbruder?  Ye
give me to understand yea are much burden to me, and yet will ye not see
to it that I spend not my
money vainly and to your damage and mine!”  And so we disputed with one
another childishly
enough, because each was drunken with love for the other: thus was
Herzbruder made at once my
steward, my treasurer, my servant, and my master: and in our time of
leisure he told me of his life
and by what means he was known and promoted by Count Gotz, whereupon I
told him how I had
fared since his father (of pious memory) died: for until then we had
never had so much time.  But
when he heard I had a young wife in Lippstadt, he did reprove me that I
had not repaired to her
rather than with him to Switzerland, for that had been more fitting, and
was my duty moreover:
and when I would excuse myself, that I could not find it in my heart to
leave him, my best friend,
in misery, he persuaded me to write to my wife and tell her of my
condition, with the promise to
visit her as soon as might be: to that I did add excuses for my long
absence, namely, all manner of
contrarious happenings, though greatly I had desired to be with longer
ere now.

    Meanwhile Herzbruder, learning form the public prints that is stood
well with General
Count Gotz, and that in particular he would succeed in his vindication
before his Imperial
Majesty, would be set free, and even again receive command of the army,
sent an account of how
he stood to that general at Vienna, and wrote also to the Bavarian army
on the score of his
baggage that he had there: yea, and began to hope his fortunes would
again flourish.  Upon which
we concluded to part in the spring, he going to the said count, and I to
my wife in Lippstadt: yet
not to pass the winter in idleness we did learn from an engineer to make
more fortifications on
paper than the kings of France and Spain together could build: so too I
made acquaintance with
certain alchymists that, because they saw I had money at my back, would
teach me to make gold,
an I would but bear the expense of it: yea, and I do believe they had
persuaded me thereto had not
Herzbruder given them their conge, saying that he that possessed such and
art would not need to
go about like a beggar nor to ask others for money.

    But though Herzbruder did receive from Vienna a gracious answer from
the said count
and fine promises, I heard no single word from Lippstat, though on
several post-days I did write
in duplicate.  Which put me in ill humour and was the cause that that
spring I went not to
Westphalia, but obtained from Herzbruder that he should take me with him
to Vienna and let me
share in his hoped-for good fortune.  So with my money we equipped
ourselves like two cavaliers,
both in clothing, horses, servants, and arms, and travelled by Constance
to Ulm, where we
embarked upon the Danube, and from thence in eight days came safely to
Vienna.

Chap. iv.:  IN WHAT MANNER SIMPLICISSIMUS AND HERZBRUDER WENT TO
THE WARS AGAIN AND RETURNED THENCE
    Things be strangely ordered in this changeful world; ‘Tis said he
that should know all things
would soon be rich: but I say he that always could seize his opportunity
would soon be great and
powerful.  For many a skinflint or cheese-parer (both which honourable
titles are given to misers)
gets rich enough by knowing and using some knack of gain: yet is he not
therefore great, but is
and remaineth always of less estimation than when he was poor: but he
that can make himself
great and powerful, him riches follow after close.  So did luck, that is
wont to give power and
riches, look on me favourably for once, and gave me when I had been some
eight days in Vienna
opportunity in hand to mount upon the rungs of fame without hindrance:
yet I did it not. And
why? I hold ‘twas because my fate had willed for me another road, namely,
that along which my
foolishness did lead me.

    For the Count von der Wahl, under whose command I had before made
myself famous in
Westphalia, was even then in Vienna when I came thither with Herzbruder:
which last was at a
banquet when divers Imperialist councillors of war were present with the
Count of Gotz and
others, where the talk was of all manner of strange fellows, soldiers of
different qualities, and
famous partisans: and there was mention mad of the huntsman of Soest, and
such famous exploits
of him told that some wondered at the youth of the fellow and lamented
that the crafty Hessian
colonel Saint Andre had hung a weight round his neck so that he must
either lay aside he sword or
serve under the Swedish colours: for the said Count von der Wahl had
found out all the trick
which the same colonel had played me at Lippstadt.  Herzbruder, that was
there present and
would fain have forwarded my interest, asked for indulgence and leave to
speak, and said he knew
that huntsman of Soest better than any man in the world, which was not
only a good soldier that
feared not the smell of powder, but also a good rider, a perfected
fencer, and excellent professor
of musquetry and artillery and besides all this one that would yield
place to no engineer in the
world: that he had left not only his wife (that had been so shamefully
imposed upon him), but all
that he had at Lippstadt, and again sought the emperor’s service, and so
had in the last campaign
served under the Count of Gotz, and being then taken by the troops of
Weimar and desiring to
return to the Imperialists, and had with his comrade slain a corporal and
six musqueteers that had
pursued them and would bring them back, and had earned rich booty
thereby, and so had come
with him to Vienna with intent to offer his service once more against his
Imperial Majesty’s
enemies, provided only he could have such terms as suited him: for as a
common soldier he would
serve no more.

    By this time the worshipful company were so flustered with good
liquor that they must
satisfy their curiosity to see the huntsman: to which end Herzbruder was
sent to fetch me in a
coach: who on the way instructed me how I should carry myself among these
persons of quality,
since my fortune in time to come depended on this.  So when I came to
them, at first I answered
all questions very short and sententiously, so that they began to admire
me as one who said
nothing that had not a prudent meaning: in a word, I so presented myself
that I pleased all, besides
this, that I had from Count van der Wahl the reputation of a good
soldier.  But with all this I got
drunk, and well can I believe that in that condition I proved to all how
little I had been at court.
And this was the end of it all: that a colonel of foot promised me a
company and his regiment,
which I refused not: for I thought, “To be a captain is indeed no
trifle.”  Yet Herzbruder next day
rebuked me for my folly, and said, had I but held out longer I had risen
to high rank.

    So was I presented to a company as their captain, which company,
although with me ‘twas
in respect of officers fully staffed, yet counted no more than seven
privates that could stand
sentry.  Besides, my under-officers were such old cripples that I must
needs scratch my head when
I looked at them.  And so it came about that in the next engagement,
which happened not long
after, I was with them miserably beaten: in which affair Count von Gotz
lost his life and
Herzbruder his testicles, which were shot away: and I had my share in the
leg though ‘twas but a
trifling wound.  Whereupon we betook ourselves to Vienna, there to be
cured, and also because
there we had left all of our property.  But besides these wounds, which
were soon healed, there
appeared in Herzbruder other evil symptoms which the doctors could not at
first recognise, for he
was paralysed in all his extremities like a choleric person whom his gall
doth plague, to which
complexion he was no more given than to anger.  Nevertheless he was
counselled to take the
waters, and to that end the Griesbach in the Black Forest was commended
to him.  And so doth
fortune suddenly change.  For Herzbruder just before had been minded to
marry a young lady of
quality, and to that end to get him made a Freiherr and me a nobleman:
but now he must make
other plans; for having lost that which he had meant to propagate his
family, and being, moreover,
threatened with a tedious sickness ensuing upon that loss, in which he
would have need of good
friends, he made his will, and appointed me heir of all his property, the
more so because he saw
how for his sake I cast my fortune to the winds and gave up my command,
that I might bear him
company to the Spa and there wait on him till he should recover his
health.

Edited by Chris Antalics

1 A town located in Switzerland, it is the oldest place of pilgramage in
the nation with documented pilgramages dating back to the 11th century. 
In the 10th century a Benedictine Abbey was built on the site where St.
Meinrad had been martyred in the 9th century.  Encyclopedia.com,
(Infonautics Corp., 2001), www.encyclopedia.com/printable/14886.html

2 A city located on both sides of the Limmat River in Germany it began as
a Roman Customs Port named Turicum.  In 1218 Zurich would become a free
city under the Holy Roman Empire.  In 1336 the powerful guilds took
control of the city's government and in 1351 joined the Swiss
Confederation.  Shortly thereafter it would become one of the major
cultural and intellectual center's in Europe.  Zurich's power grew to the
point it was considered the capital of the Swiss Confederation by many. 
Encyclopedia Britannica 11th Edition, Volume 28, (New York, The
Encyclopedia Britannica Company, 1911), p 1057-1058 and  Lycos Worldwide,
(Lonely Planet Publications, 2001),
http://lonelyplanet.lycos.com/europe/zurich/history.html

3 A Protestan sect developing in the 16th century led by Ulrich Zwingli. 
Named Anabaptists for they refusal to baptise infants it was considered a
radical religious group and condemned by both Protestants and Catholics. 
Believers resided primarily in Germany, Switzerland, Moravia and the
Netherlands.  Three groups of Anabaptists emerged, the revolutionary
Anabaptists were short-lived advocating bringing about the New Jerusalem
by force.  The four major branches were the New Testament Oriented
Pacifists, led by Zwingli residing initially in Switzerland, they kept
themselves separated from those not of the faith and refused to bear arms
or participate in politics.  The Old Testament Oriented Revolutionaries,
led by Nicholas Storch in Saxony, believed in bringing about a new
kingdom by force.  They were involved in the Peasant War and eventually
died out after the failure to capture a Westphalian city.  The
Spirtualist Anabaptists, founded by Sebastian Franck, believed in the
Inner Word which held there was an invisible church which anyone could be
a part of, even non Christians.  The Rationalist Anabaptists were founded
by Michael Servetus, they rejected Triniatarian theology considering
Christ simply a great ethical teacher and example.  New Catholic
Encyclopedia, Volume 1, (D.C., Catholic University of America Press,
1967), p 459-460 and The Columbia Electronic Encyclopedia Sixth Edition,
(Columbia University Press, 2000),
http://www.encyclopedia.com/articles/00467.html

4 The proper name is the Reformed churches founded by John Calvin in the
16th century.  Calvinism differed from Lutherism in its belief in
predestination, a theocratic view of the state, seeing grace from God as
irresistable and not accepting the doctrine of  consubstantiation. 
Calvinism was based upon the Bible, its doctrine composed of the belief
in the sovereignty of God, the depravity of man, faith in Christ,
predestination and the church and sacraments (eucharist and baptism). 
Calvinists primarily resided in Germany, Scotland, Switzerland, France,
the Netherlands and the United States.  Calvinism heavily influenced the
Purtians in England as well. The New Catholic Encyclopedia, Volume 2,
(D.C., Catholic University of America Press, 1967), p1092-1094 and The
Columbia Electronic Encyclopedia Sixth Edition, (Columbia University
Press, 2000), http://www.encyclopedia.com/articles/02184.html

5 Located in south-western Germany Ulm lies on the left bank of the
Danube River.  Documents date Ulm back to 854 and became chartered in the
12th century.  In 1027 Ulm officially was recognized as a town.  It's
location along the Danube made it a major trading center and became a
Protestant city in 1530.  In the 13th century its famous cathedral began
to be constructed and was completed by the 16th century.  Over the next
centuries Ulm would decline in importance eventually passing to Bavaria
in 1802. Encyclopedia Britannica 11th Edition, Volume 27, (New York, The
Encyclopedia Britannica Company, 1911), p 567 and Encyclopædia Britannica
Online, (Encyclopedia Britannica Inc., 2001),
http://search.eb.com/bol/topic?eu=76098&sctn=1#s_top
