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 Chap. xxx. : HOW THE HUNTSMAN CARRIED HIMSELF WHEN HE BEGAN TO LEARN THE
TRADE OF WAR: WHEREFROM A YOUNG SOLDIER MAY LEARN SOMEWHAT

 Now the commandant in Soest 1needed a lad in his stables, of the kind
that I seemed to him to be, and for that reason he was not well pleased
that I had turned soldier, but would try to have me yet: to that end he
made a pretence of my youth and that I could not yet pass for a man: and
having set this forth to my master, he sends to me and says he, “Harkye,
little huntsman, thou shalt be my servant.”  So I asked what would my
duties be: to which he answered I should help to tend his horses.  “No,
sir,” quoth I, “we are not for one another: I would rather have a master
in whose service the horses should tend me: but seeing that I can find
none such, I will sooner remain a soldier.”  “Thy beard,” says he, “is
yet too small.”  “No, no,” said I, “I will wager I can encounter any man
of eighty years: a beard never yet killed a man, or goats would be in
high esteem.”  “Oho!” says he, “if thy courage be as high as thy wit, I
will let thee pass for a soldier.”  I answered, “That can be tried upon
the next occasion,” and therewithal gave him to understand I would not be
used as a groom.  So he left me as I was, and said the proof of the
pudding was in the eating.

 So now I betook myself to my old dragoon’s old breeches, and having
dissected them, I recovered out of their entrails a good soldier’s horse
and the best musquet I could find: and all must for me be as bright as
looking glass.  Then I bought a new suit of green clothes: for the name
of the “huntsman” suited well with my fancy: and my old suit I gave to my
lad; for ‘twas too small for me.  And so I could ride on mine own account
like a young nobleman, and thought no small beer of myself.  Yea, I made
so bold as to deck my hat with a great plume like an officer: and with
that I raised up for myself enviers and mislikers: and betwixt them and
me were presently hot words and at last even buffets.  Yet hardly had I
proved to one or two that same science which I had learned in Paradise of
the good furrier, when behold, not only would all leave me in peace but
would have my friendship moreover.  Besides all this, I was ever ready to
give my service for all expeditions on foot or on horseback: for I was a
good rider and quicker on foot than most, and when it came to dealing
with the enemy I must charge forward as for mere pleasure and ever be in
the front rank.  So was I in brief time known both among friend and foes,
and so famous that both parties thought much of me, seeing that the most
dangerous attacks were entrusted to me to carry out, and to that end
whole detachments put under my command.  And now I began to steal like
any Bohemian, and if I made any capture of value, I would give my
officers so rich a share thereof that ‘twas allowed me to play my tricks
on forbidden ground, for whatever I did was supported.  General Count
Götz 2 had left remaining in Westphalia three enemy’s garrisons– to wit,
in Dorsten, in Lippstadt, and in Coesfield: and all these three I
mightily plagued!  For I was before their gates, now here, now there, one
day here and one day there, no less, and snapped up many a good prize,
and because I ever escaped the folk came to believe of me I could make
myself invisible and was as proof as iron or steel.  So now was I feared
like the plague itself, so that thirty men of the enemy would not be
shamed to flee before me if they did but know I was in their neighborhood
with fifteen.  And at last it came to this: that when a contribution must
be levied from a place, I was the man for that: and my plunder from that
became as great as my fame.  Mine officers and comrades loved their
little huntsman: the chief partisans of the opposite side were terrified,
and by fear and love I kept the countrymen on my side: for I knew how to
punish my opposers, and them that did me the smallest service richly to
repay: insomuch that I spent wellnigh the half of my booty in paying of
my spies.  And for that reason there went no reconnaissance, no convoy,
no expedition out from the adversary whose departure was not made known
to me: whereupon I laid my plans and founded my projects, and because I
commonly brought the same to good effect by the help of good luck, all
were astonished: and that chiefly at my youthful age: so that even many
officers and good soldiers of the other party much desired to see me.  To
this must be added that I ever shewed myself courteous to my prisoners,
so that they often cost me more than my booty was worth, and whensoever I
could shew a courtesy to any of the adversary, and specially to any
officer, without injury to my duty and my allegiance to my master, I
neglected it not.  And by such behaviour I had surely been presently
forwarded to the rank of officer, had not my youth hindered that: for
whosoever, at the age wherein I was then, would be an ensign, must be of
noble birth: besides, my captain could not promote me; for there were no
vacancies in his own company and he would not let me go to another: for
so he would have lost in me a milch-cow and more too.  So must I be and
remain a corporal.  Yet this honour, which I had gained over the heads of
old soldiers, though ‘twas but a small thing, yet this and the praise
which daily I received were to me as spurs to urge me on to better
things.  And day and night I dreamed only of fresh plans to make myself
greater: nay, I could not sleep by reason of such foolish phantasies. 
And because I saw that I wanted an opportunity to shew the courage which
I felt in me, it vexed me that I could not every day have the chance to
meet the adversary in arms and try the result.  So then I wished the
Trojan war back again, or such a siege as was at Ostende,* and fool as I
was, I never thought that a pitcher goes to the well until it breaks: and
that also is true of a young soldier and a foolish, when he hath but
money and luck and courage: thereupon follow haughtiness and pride: and
by reason of that pride I hired, in place of one footboy, two
serving-men, whom I equipped well and horsed them well, and so gained the
envy of all the officers.

 Chap. xxxi. : HOW THE DEVIL STOLE THE PARSON’S BACON AND HOW THE
HUNTSMAN CAUGHT HIMSELF

 Now must I tell you a story or two of things that happened to me before
I left the dragoons 3 : and though they are trifling, yet are they
amusing to be heard: for I undertook not only great things, but despised
not also small affairs, if only I could be assured that thereby I should
get reputation among the people.

 Now my captain was ordered, with fifty odd men on foot, to Schloss
Recklinghausen, and there to carry out a certain design: and as we
thought that before the plan could be carried out we had best hide
ourselves a day or two in the woods, each took with him provision for a
week.  But inasmuch as the rich convoy we waited for came not at the
appointed time, our food gave out: and we dared not to steal, for so had
we betrayed ourselves and caused our plan to come to nothing: and so
hunger pressed us sore: moreover, I had in that quarter no good friends
(as elsewhere) to bring me and my men food in secret. And therefore must
we devise other means to line our bellies if we would not go home empty. 
My comrade, a journeyman Latinist 4 who had but lately run from school
and enlisted, sighed in vain for the barley soup which beforetime his
parents had served up for his delight, and which he had despised and left
untasted: and as he thought on those meals of old, so he remembered his
school satchel, beside which he had eaten them.
 “Ah, brother;” says he to me, “is’t not a shame that I have not learned
arts enough to fill my belly now.  Brother, I know, re vera, if I could
but get to the parson in that village, ‘twould provide me with an
excellent convivium.”  So I pondered on that word awhile and considered
our condition, and because they that knew the country might not leave the
ambush (for they had surely been recognised) while those that were
unknown to the people knew of no chance to steal or buy in secret, I
founded my plan on our student and laid the thing before our captain. 
And though ‘twas dangerous for him also, yet was his trust in me so
great, and our plight so evil, that he consented.  So I changed clothes
with another man, and with my student I shogged off to the said village
and that by a wide circuit, though it lay but half an hour from us: and
coming thither we forthwith knew the house next to the church to be the
priest’s abode; for ‘twas built town- fashion and abutted on the wall
that surrounded the whole glebe.  Now I had already taught my comrade
what he should say: for he had yet his worn-out old student’s cloak on
him: but I gave myself out for a journeyman painter, as thinking I could
not well be called upon to exercise that art in the village; for farmers
do not often have their houses decorated.

 The good divine was civil, and when my comrade had made him a deep Latin
reverence and told lies in great abundance to him, as how soldiers had
plundered him on his road and robbed him of all his journey-money, he
offered him a piece of bread and butter and a draught of beer.  But I
made as though I belonged not to him, and said I would eat a snack in the
inn and then call for him, that we might ere the day was spent come
somewhat further on our way together.  And to the inn I went, yet more to
espy what I could fetch away that night than to appease mine hunger, and
had also the luck on the way to find a peasant plastering up of his oven,
in which he had great loaves of rye bread, that should sit there and bake
for four-and-twenty hours.  With the innkeeper I did little business: for
now I knew where bread was to be had: yet bought a few loaves of white
bread for our captain, and when I came to the parsonage to warn my
comrade to go, he had already had his fill, and had told the priest I was
a painter and was minded to journey to Holland, there to perfect my art. 
So the good man bade me welcome and begged me to go into the church with
him, for he would shew me some pieces there that needed repair.  And not
to spoil the play, I must follow.  So he took me through the kitchen, and
as he opened the lock in the strong oaken door that led to the
churchyard, O mirum! There I saw that the black heaven above was dark
with lutes, flutes, and fiddles, meaning the hams, smoked sausages, and
sides of bacon that hung in the chimney; at which I looked with content,
for it seemed as if they smiled at me, and I wished, but in vain, to have
them for my comrades in the wood: yet they were so obstinate as to hang
where they were.  Then pondered I upon the means how I could couple them
with the said oven full of bread, yet could not easily devise such, for,
as aforesaid, the parson’s yard was walled round and all windows
sufficiently guarded with iron bars.  Furthermore there lay two monstrous
great dogs in the courtyard which, as I feared, would of a surety not
sleep by night if any would steal that whereon ‘twas the reward of their
faithful guardianship to feed by day.  So now when we came into the
church and talked of the pictures, and the priest would hire me to mend
this and that, and I sought for excuses and pleaded my journey, says the
sacristan or bellringer, “Fellow,” says he, “I take thee rather for a
runaway soldier than a painter.”  To such rough talk I was no longer
used, yet must put up with it: still I shook my head a little and
answered him, “Fellow, give me but a brush and colours, and in a wink I
will have thee painted for the fool thou art.”  Whereat the priest
laughed, yet said to us both, ‘twas not fitting to wrangle in so holy a
place: with that I perceived he believed us both, both me and my student;
so he gave us yet another draught and let us go.  But my heart I left
behind among the smoked sausages.

 Before nightfall we came to our companions, where I took my clothes and
arms again, told the captain my story, and chose out six stout fellows to
bring the bread home.  At midnight we came to the village and took the
bread out of the oven: for we had a man among us that could charm dogs;
and when we were to pass by the parsonage, I found it not in my heart to
go further without bacon.  In a word, I stood still and considered deeply
whether ‘twere not possible to come into the priest’s kitchen, yet could
find no other way but the chimney, which for this turn must be my door. 
The bread and our arms we took into the churchyard and into the
bone-house, and fetched a ladder and rope from a shed close by.  Now I
could go up and down chimneys as well as any chimney-sweep (for that I
had learned in my youth in the hollow trees), so onto the roof I climbed
with one other, which roof was covered with a double ceiling and a hollow
between, and therefore convenient for my purpose.  So I twisted my long
hair into a bunch on my head, and lowered myself down with an end of the
rope to my beloved bacon, and fastened one ham after another and one
flitch after another to the rope which my comrade on the roof most
regularly hauled up and gave to the others to carry to the bone-house. 
But alack and well-a-day!  Even as I shut my shop and would out again a
rafter broke under me, and poor Simplicissimus tumbled down and the
miserable huntsman found himself caught as in a mouse-trap: ‘tis true, my
comrades on the roof let down the rope to draw me up: but it broke before
they could lift me from the ground.  And, “Now huntsman,” thought I,
“thou must abide a hunt in which thy hide will be as torn as Actaeon’s,”5
for the priest was awakened by my fall and bade his cook forthwith to
kindle a light: who came in her nightdress into the kitchen with her gown
hanging on her shoulders and stood so near me that she almost touched me:
then she took up an ember, held the light to it, and began to blow: yet I
blew harder, which so affrighted the good creature that she let both fire
and candle fall and ran to her master.  So I gained time to consider by
what means I could help myself out: yet found I none.

 Now my comrades gave me to understand through the chimney they would
break the house open and have me forth: that would I not have, but bade
them to look to their arms and leave only my especial comrade on the
roof, and wait to see if I could not get away without noise and
disturbance, lest our ambush should be frustrated: but if it could not be
so, then might they do their best.  Meanwhile the good priest himself
struck a light; while his cook told him a fearful spectre was in the
kitchen who had two heads (for she had seen my hair in a bunch on my head
and had mistook it for a second head).  All this I heard, and accordingly
smeared my face and arms with my hands, which were full of ashes, soot,
and cinders, so vilely that without question I no longer could be likened
to an angel, as those holy maidens in Paradise had likened me: and that
same sacristan, had he but seen me, would have granted me this, that I
was a quick painter.  And now I began to rattle round in the kitchen in
fearful wise, and to throw the pots and pans about: and the kettle-ring
coming to my hand, I hung it round my neck, and the fire-hook I kept in
my hand to defend myself in case of need.

 All which dismayed not that good priest: for he came in procession with
his cook, who bore two wax-lights in her hands and a holy-water stoup on
her arm, he himself being vested in his surplice and stole, with the
sprinkler in one hand and a book in the other, out of which he began to
exorcise me and to ask who I was and what I did there.  So as he took me
to be the devil, I thought ‘twas but fair I should play the devil’s part
as the Father of Lies, and so answered, “I am the Devil, and will wring
thy neck and thy cook’s too.”  Yet he went on with his conjuring and bade
me take note I had no concern with him nor his cook; yea, and commanded
me under the most solemn adjuration that I should depart to the place
whence I had come.  To which I answered with a horrible voice, that ‘twas
impossible even if I would.  Meanwhile my comrade on the roof, which was
an arch-rogue and knew his Latin well, had his part to play: for when he
heard what time of day ‘twas in the kitchen, he hooted like an owl, he
barked like a dog, he neighed like a horse, he bleated like a goat, he
brayed like an ass, and made himself heard down the chimney like a whole
crew of cats bucking in February, and then again like a clucking hen: for
the fellow could imitate any beasts’ cry and, when he would, could howl
as naturally as if a whole pack of wolves were there.  And this terrified
the priest and his cook more than anything: yet was my conscience sore to
suffer myself to be abjured as the devil; for he truly took me for such
as having read or heard that the devil loved to appear clad in green.

 Now in the midst of these doubts, which troubled both parties alike, I
was aware by good luck that the key in the lock of the door that led to
the churchyard was not turned, but only the bolt shot: so I speedily drew
it back and whipped out of the door into the churchyard, where I found my
comrades standing with their musquets cocked, and left the parson to
conjure devils as long as he would.  So when my comrade had brought my
hat down from the roof, and we had packed up our provands, we went off to
our fellows, having no further business in the village save that we
should have returned the borrowed ladder and rope to their owners.

 With our stolen food the whole party refreshed themselves, and all had
cause enough to laugh over my adventure: only the student could not
stomach it that I should rob the priest that had so nobly filled his
belly, yea, he swore loud and long he would fain pay him for his bacon,
had he but the means at hand; and yet ate of it as heartily as if he were
hired for the business.  So we lay in our ambush two days longer and
waited for the convoy we had so long looked for; where we lost no single
man in the attack, yet captured over thirty prisoners and as splendid
booty as ever I did help to divide: and I had a double share because I
had done best: and that was three Friesland stallions laden with as much
merchandise as we could carry off in our haste; and had we had time to
examine the booty and to bring it to a place of safety, each for his own
part would have been rich enough: but we had to leave more on the spot
than we bore off, for we must hurry away with all speed, taking what we
could carry: and for greater safety we betook ourselves to Rehnen, and
there we baited and shared the booty : for there lay our main body.

 And there I thought again on the priest, whose bacon I had stolen: and
now may the reader think what a misguided, wanton, and overweening spirit
was mine, when it was not enough for me to have robbed and terrified that
pious man, but I must claim honour for it.  To that end I took a sapphire
set in a gold ring, which I had picked up on that same plundering
expedition, and sent it from Rehnen to my priest by a sure hand with this
letter: “Reverend Sir, – Had I but in these last days had aught in the
wood to eat and so to live, I had had no cause to steal your reverence’s
bacon, in which matter ‘tis likely you were terrified.  I swear by all
that is holy that such affright was against my will, and so the more do I
hope for forgiveness.  As concerning the bacon itself, ‘tis but just it
should be paid for, and therefore in the place of money I send this
present ring, given by those for whose behoof your goods must needs be
taken, and beg your reverence will be pleased to accept the same: and add
thereto that he will always find on all occasions an obedient and
faithful servant in him whom his sacristan took to be no painter and who
is otherwise known as ‘The Huntsman.’”

 But to the peasant whose oven they had emptied, the party sent out of
the general booty sixteen rix-dollars 6: for I had taught them that in
such wise they must bring the country-folk on their side, seeing that
such could often help a party out of great difficulties or betray such
another party and bring all to the gallows.  From Rehnen we marched to
Münster and thence to Ham, and so home to Soest to our headquarters,
where I after some days received an answer from his reverence, as
follows: “Noble Huntsman, – If he from whom you stole the bacon had known
that you would appear to him in devilish guise, he had not so often
wished to behold the notorious huntsman.  But even as the borrowed meat
and bread have been far too dearly paid for, so also is the fright
inflicted the easier to forgive, especially because ‘twas caused (against
his will) by so famous a person, who is hereby forgiven, with the request
that he will once more visit without fear him who fears not to conjure
the devil. – Vale.”

 And so did I everywhere, and gained much fame: yea, and the more I gave
away and spent, the more the booty flowed in, and I conceived that I had
laid out that ring well, though ‘twas worth some hundred rix-dollars. 
And so ends this second book.

Edited by Allison Fraser


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* Besieged by the Spaniards from 1601 to 1604. (Goodrick’s note)

1 Soest: The imperial army had a garrison at Soest in Westphalia.  The
regiment with which Grimmelshausen fought arrived at Soest in December
1636.  While in this area, Grimmelshausen served as a soldier part of the
time, but also performed more menial tasks, most likely as a stableboy. 
The area around Soest was laid waste during the war and as a result there
was not enough food or fuel to support the army. Negus, Kenneth. 
Grimmelshausen.  (New York: Twayne Publishers, 1974),  p. 22-23.

2 General Count Götz: Grimmelshausen joined a light cavalry regiment
commanded by the Bavarian Field Marshall, Baron Johann von Götz either
early 1636 or early 1637.  This regiment was one of the “Leibregimenter”,
which were under Götz’s personal command.  Götz commanded first in
Westphalia and later in the Upper Rhine, where he was defeated while
attempting to defend the fortress of Breisach.  Negus, Kenneth. 
Grimmelshausen  (New York: Twayne Publishers, 1974),  p. 22. and
Menhennet, Alan.  Grimmelshausen the Storyteller  (Columbia, SC: Camden
House, 1997),  p. 4.

3 Dragoon: Dragoons were mounted infantry who first appeared in Europe in
the sixteenth century.  They fought as light cavalry on attack and
dismounted to fight as infantry on defense.  They were organized into
companies, not squadrons, and their officers had infantry titles.  The
name “dragoon” came from the type of carabine, or short musket, that they
used, also called a dragoon.  “Dragoon,” Encyclopedia Britannica
(Chicago: Encyclopedia Britannica Inc, 1997), vol. 4, p. 210.

4 Latinist: A Latinist was a Latin Scholar or writer in Latin. 
“Latinist.” Oxford English Dictionary (Oxford English Dictionary, 2nd ed.
(Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1989), vol. 8, p. 689.

5 Actaeon: Actaeon was a skilled hunter who was trained by the centaur
Chiron.  While hunting he happened upon Artemis, the goddess of the hunt,
bathing.  Artemis was enraged and splashed water on Actaeon, turning him
into a stag.  He was attacked by his own dogs, who tore him to pieces. 
As part of his punishment, Actaeon retained his own mind and was aware of
his fate.  March, Jennifer.  Dictionary of Classical Mythology (London:
Wellington House, 1998), p. 17.

6 Rix-dollar: The rix-dollar was a heavy silver coin used from the late
sixteenth to mid nineteenth centuries in various European countries
including Holland, Germany, Austria, Denmark, and Sweden.  “Rix-dollar”
is a corruption of rigsdaler or riksdaler, and is also called a thaler. 
The thaler was first struck in Germany around 1500 and was adopted by the
Holy Roman Empire in 1566.  It weighed between 24.6 and 32 grams.  Junge,
Ewald.  World Coin Encyclopedia (New York: William Morrow, 1984), pp. 215
and 249. and “Rix-dollar.” Oxford English Dictionary, 2nd ed. (Oxford:
Clarendon Press, 1989), vol. 13, p. 1003.

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